Over the last few days, I have been getting a lot of questions and criticism for being a working mother. It is starting to irritate me.
It started at a work party last weekend. The wife of an older man I work with was asking if I was returning to work after the baby was born. I told her I was. She had many questions about where my sons would go and what a shame it was.
Then at a first birthday party this weekend, more questions. I finally told one woman that I enjoyed working, and I think I always will. I feel like they expect me to say I wish I could stay home, but it just isn't possible. That is not the case. Our lifestyle certainly would be different if only T worked, but if I absolutely wanted to stay home with the children I could.
I am (at least) as smart as T. I earned two college degrees. Why should I stay home just because I am female? It is so irritating to me. T doesn't get these questions. I guess though if he did decide to stay home, he would get the opposite ones.
I had a brief few months right after Q was born, when I wondered if I should stay home, or if I should make that my goal in a few years. But, I figured out pretty quickly that my calling in life is not to be a stay-at-home-mom. In some ways, I wish it were. That would make life simpler and reduce the constant criticism. But, I know I am happier and more fulfilled when I work and have a family. I respect people who do have that gift of being extremely nurturing and motherly to children. I feel like Q almost benefits from being with people like that for a portion of the day, instead of just with his frazzled mama 24/7.
I like that Q sees a strong woman and will know his mom is happy and fulfilled. I have no doubt he will grow up respecting women. It just annoys me that I have to keep defending myself to people. Why do I have to be polite to them when they are not polite to me?
--MM
You should have told her you have him crate trained or, if it's a nice day, you leave him on a lead line in the back yard! People kill me with this - and I get the "what do you MEAN no children?" I've developed all sorts of rude, shut-them-up answers. But then I just say nothing, smile, and walk away.
ReplyDeleteThere are many, many different kinds of mothers. Some work, some don't. There are good and bad aspects of both. In fact, a study came out not long ago that said working parents actually spend more "quality" time with their kids because they make a concerted effort to make up for the time they miss while they're working. I know I do.
ReplyDeletePS: You don't HAVE to be polite to them... the fact that you are just shows you're the better person.