Thursday, January 31, 2008

Caffeine headache

I am a virtuous pregnant woman for the most part. I drink at most a half-glass of wine once or twice a week. I eat fruits and vegetables, faithfully take my pre-natal vitamin, exercise, and attend all my doctor's appointments. I also limit my caffeine intake to two cups of coffee a day. Now a new evil study suggests that might not be enough.

The study suggests drinking even very small amounts of caffeine could increase risk of miscarriage. The good news is, the study only applies to women before 20 weeks of pregnancy, and I am about 30 weeks, so I can guzzle venti lattes right? Well, I am still sticking to my two cups a day, but the study irritates me. I read about it as I sipped my short Starbucks coffee. I dicussed the findings with my doctor, and she says she still will recommend two cups or less to her patients, though the study says caffeine should be cut out altogether.

I have never suffered a miscarriage, and in fact got pregnant in the very first month both times around. However, I worry that helpful people will suggest this is why I experienced premature birth. As I have mentioned before, I hear all the time that it happened because I exercise, am a vegetarian, work too much, have brown hair etc. It is amazing that reseachers have not been able to crack the mystery of half of premature births, yet the nosy woman at the gym has it all figured out.

I am anxious for this pregnancy to go full-term and produce a healthy, happy baby so I can prove the naysayers wrong and drink my two cups a day in peace.


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Swimming in the snow

I love having Q in swimming lessons, because I think it is vital for his safety and helps him get stronger and more confident. I was swimming about at the point I left the womb, and I have always appreciated it.

That said, it is very difficult to pull on an extremely tight swimsuit at 8:00 in the morning (I refuse to buy a maternity suit for four more classes), tramp through the wet snow, and get in a cold pool with a wriggly toddler on my hip.

Q does well in his kipper class, though he is easily distracted by other swimmers, kids, and random balls floating in the water. He easily puts his head underwater and holds his breath and always has a huge smile for his teacher. We are still working on blowing bubbles and kicking.

The class is the easy part. Afterward is the real struggle. I strip off his wet suit and diaper, and then try to pin the slippery, naked boy while I soap him up in the shower area. I then wrap him in a towel, while I am shivering and take him over to the lockers. I balance him precariously on the bench while I try to rub lotion on him, replace his diaper, and get him clothed. This process has me leaning over for a good ten minutes, killing my back, and making my glutes burn. Often there is an escape and a naked baby runs around the locker room briefly. Today, Q and another naked escapee stood side by side banging on a wooden bench. It was quite a sight.

Once Q is all dressed, I still have to get myself ready without losing him. This is when I wish he had never learned to walk. Last week, he took off for the hall while I was pants-less. Today, I corralled him in a playpen in the locker room while I changed.

The good news is after all this madness, Q is wiped out and goes down for a nice two-hour nap. His exhausted mama usually joins him. Even better, he goes with his daddy on Thursdays.


Monday, January 28, 2008

Snow baby

It snowed a lot this weekend, for where I live anyway. We are used to a little dusting now and then, but this storm dumped inches on the ground, cancelled school, and had drivers going 15 miles per hour.

We introduced Q to his first good snow fall. He doesn't even have mittens or a proper snow suit, so I pulled socks over his hands. He wasn't quite sure want to make of the wet, cold stuff but did like throwing snowballs at his dad. He likes any sort of ball, regardless of what it is made of.

T's parents were in town this weekend. It was a delight to see them with Q. They dote on him, and their adoration gives me new appreciation for all his little quirks. It sure was nice to get our house back to ourselves this morning though and to get settled back into our normal routine.

My pelvis kills again today. I haven't been faithfully wearing my hip belt thing because it is itchy and rumpled under my clothes. I am ready to be done with this pain.

On a good note, I got to go to my first Mom's Night Out with my moms' group. It usually meets on Fridays and work prevents me from going. I felt slightly guilty about going since my in-laws were in town, but I am pretty sure I am not the reason they are here. We met at a Mexican restaurant, and it was nice to chat and compare notes. I enjoyed chips and salsa and nachos and stared longingly at the margarita next to me. Sigh. The sacrifices I go through! Sore hips and no margaritas!


Thursday, January 24, 2008

More squeezing

I have taken the medicine twice and still no let up in the contractions. But, then I was reading some studies that said all of these tests I am undergoing aren't really accurate predictors of preterm labor anyway. So, I guess my body will do what it wants, and I will just have to wait and see what happens. The medicine is mainly for high blood pressure but is also prescribed for stage fright. Interesting, huh? Perhaps I will feel confident enough now to take up a career on stage and screen.

I took a nice hour and a half nap this morning. It hit the spot. I had a cranberry-orange scone with my morning makeover. Quite nice.

As I was getting ready this afternoon, and Q was helping me by digging in the trash and unloading his toy box, I told him, "Q, go get your coat!" He promptly walked out of the room and returned with his little blue jacket with a corduroy collar. He then struggled to put it on. I couldn't believe he understood what I was saying! I think that child understands a lot more than he lets on.

Yesterday, we had an interview with a couple at a senior center. They have been married for 72 years. They got married at the ages of 17 and 18. Now they go dancing four times a week. They constantly hold hands and were like two newlyweds. It was pretty amazing.

Q was a hit at the senior center. It was fun to see him bring a smile to people's faces. He enjoyed dancing to the music and clapping his hands and smiling at the various people who came up to meet him. I felt like a pretty proud mama.

T's parents come for a long weekend tomorrow. They are going to be surprised to see what a big boy there little grandson has become.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Tight squeeze

My never-ending parade of appointments continues. Yesterday after swim lessons, I put Q down for a nap and was hoping to relax for a little while until I had to get ready for work. I heard a knock at the door and seriously considered ignoring it. I finally opened the door, and there was Q's Early Intervention Specialist for an unexpected appointment. I really think she got the date wrong, but there she was. I had to go wake Q up from a nap and skip my own. My eyelids were actually getting heavy as she was talking to me.

This morning, I had a prenatal appointment and then an early interview for a story at work. Q had to accompany me to all of them. I got him out of the car and went to retrieve his stroller. But, the trunk was empty. T must have taken it out. I no longer had a restraint system so Q was going to be a free-range baby.

Inside the waiting room, I tried to distract him with the books and toys provided. That lasted about 30 seconds and then he started wandering the place, laughing and running away when I tried to call him back.

A heavily pregnant woman came in with two small girls. They all sat quietly together reading a book, as I looked on enviously. Are girls just quieter and calmer? Are boys just more rambunctious? If so, that is not good news, as I am just months away from being the mother of two little boys.

At the doctor's office they measured cervical length and did a fetal fibronectin test. Everything checked out fine. But, I have been having constant contractions. My whole abdomen just squeezes tightly every few minutes. Most women have these very occasionally and later in the pregnancy. They don't hurt necessarily, but they are sort of uncomfortable and unnerving. My doctor says there is no way of knowing for sure, but there is a chance that could mean my body is gearing up for labor even earlier than 34 weeks, when I had Q. She started me on a medication to ease the contractions and try to make the pregnancy last to at least 36 weeks. She said there was the possibility the medicine would make the baby smaller. That's a bit disconcerting I think, but I guess it it is better than a very early baby.

Anyway, tomorrow only has one appointment, and it is for a manicure, so I am hoping Q and I can get a little rest.

On the dachshund front, Ruby had peed outside twice. Progress! I dragged her outside into the freezing temperatures tonight, she shivered in her little sweater and looked up at me forlornly. I waited for awhile, encouraging her to do her business. After a few minutes, we returned to the warm indoors so she could poop on the carpet.


Monday, January 21, 2008

Two steps back

My hips have been feeling great. Ever since I went to the PT last weekend, put on my hip belt, and have been working on my alignment, I have had very little pain. It was down to just the normal little twinge that I would expect. I went to my second appointment today. I told her I felt great, and she checked me over again. Then I got a little over-confident. My hips felt so good I thought, I could try a little running with my belt on. Big mistake. I ran for about ten minutes, just a mile or so, and then walked the rest of the way, but the damage was done. I actually felt good while I was doing it, but a couple of hours later, my hips and pelvis were throbbing. I am walking around gingerly and in pain just sitting at my desk. Not very smart, I know. I think I have finally learned my lesson.

Q discovered a forgotten, half-deflated balloon in the pantry tonight. He enjoyed batting it around, but it would periodically float away. At one point when he needed help retrieving it, he yelled, "Ma ma!" Finally! I have waited a long time for that.

And one more anecdote, this weekend our car horn started going off. It was just beeping over and over. T went out to check on it because it seemed like the panic alarm was going off. He was out there for several minutes, and the honking just continued. T couldn't figure out how to turn it off and was thinking it could be an expensive fix. He came back in from the garage, and that's when we noticed Q walking around carrying my keys, pushing the "lock" button over and over. :)


Sunday, January 20, 2008

Packers bummer

Not exactly how I was hoping the season would end. That was a tough game to watch. It also looked painfully cold. I have been to two Packers games at Lambeau Field, and they were both frigid, but probably still warmer than it was today. I distinctly remember nursing a cold, sitting on the iced-over metal bleachers, and going through an entire box of Kleenex. But I was there, and you don't get that chance often, so you appreciate it when you do. Anyway, it was still a season to be proud of. We'll see what Favre decides to do next.

I swam again today. It felt nice and relaxing but very solitary. There is nothing to look at to distract you. I don't think I could do it every day, but once a week is just right. I ran into a lady who comes to my classes frequently on the way out. She is generally a nice woman, but for some reason pregnancy attracts criticism and rudeness. She asked why I was exercising two days in a row and asked if my exercising during the last pregnancy caused Q's premature birth. I wanted to say, "No actually, it was my vegetarianism," because people also assume that. This woman struggles with her weight and her health, so why does she feel the need to dish out health advice to me? After questioning my choice to go back to work after the baby was born, we went our separate ways with me fuming. Why do these ignorant people bother me so much? I just have to brush it off and know I am doing the right thing for my baby, my body, and my sanity.

We had a great quick meal tonight while we were watching football, and I wanted to share it with you. It can be vegetarian or meat-eating. Your choice.

Spinach and pesto meatball soup

8 ounces (or more) frozen Italian-style meatballs (here I used the vegetarian soy meatballs which are quite tasty)
2 14.5 ounce cans diced Italian-style diced tomatoes
15 ounce can cannellini (also called white or navy) beans
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup prepared pesto
2 cups baby spinach
1/4 cup shredded Parmesan

Combine first five ingredients. Bring to a boil, cover, and simmer ten minutes. Stir in spinach and let wilt for a minute or two. Serve soup topped with Parmesan.

It was a very quick recipe and quite tasty with crusty bread on the side. T even loved it with the faux meatballs, and it is much healthier that way.


Saturday, January 19, 2008

Ending on a high note

Ah, I feel much better. I just had a nice day today. I walked for 45 minutes on the treadmill. It wasn't bad since I set out to walk and didn't constantly feel like I should be running. I did a little strength training and then headed to a lunch meeting for the Children's Miracle Network Leadership Committee. I actually spoke up and shared an idea. I tend to get intimidated in those meetings and just clam up.

T called in sick today because his throat is sore and he is coughing and congested. He did meet for a little cappuccino though before I headed into work. I also got this nice little ricotta cheese-filled pastry. Work was smooth sailing as well. A good, satisfying day. My grey days from earlier in the week are just a distant memory.

My hips honestly feel a lot better. The chastity belt seems to be working (except for the fact that I am seven months pregnant, I suppose). I could actually sit comfortably in my chair today instead of constantly wriggling around in pain.

I got a packet last night that was supposed to come before my PT appointment. As you recall, I was checked in for incontinence for some reason. This packet described what I could expect at the exam. Without going into too great of detail, it mentioned a lot of palpitation, measuring, and strengthening of the nether regions. I'm sure glad I didn't get that before my actual appointment. I'm not sure I would have shown up!


Thursday, January 17, 2008

Chastity belts

I am doing a lot better today. I think I got through my glum period. I hate those! It's hard to remember that they are just temporary. When I am in the midst of them I think, My life sucks. I want to quit my job and stay home all day and eat Cheetos. Well, that last part is true, but today at least I don't feel like quitting my job.

I went to see the physical therapist this morning for my achy hip problem. My hips felt pretty good actually. They usually feel worse toward the middle and the end of the day, so I worried I wasn't going to give an accurate portrayal of my pain.

They ushered me into this room with pictures of bladders. pelvises, and prolapsed organs. I patiently waited. The PT came in, glanced at me and my large belly, and said, "Oh this has to be wrong." She went and checked something, retrieved me and took me to another room with pictures of muscles on the walls. Apparently, I had been color-coded in the system as suffering from incontinence. While this is not extremely far from the truth with a swollen uterus pressing on my bladder, it's not what I was in for.

She pressed on things and had me walk and asked me questions. She said my feet pronate or roll in putting pressure on my knees and hips. I always have problems with that when running, so that makes sense. She told me to concentrate on walking smoothly and straight instead of letting my hips swing side to side, and showed me how to engage my muscles in my pelvis before I move.

I also got this chastity belt-type thing that straps tightly around my hips and cups my belly. It is a bit itchy and not entirely comfortable, but it does seem to help to stabilize my hips. They have felt pretty good today with the changes.

The PT also told me I shouldn't run anymore. Bummer. I really haven't in about a week, but I was hoping to keep it up a bit longer. In the last pregnancy I ran up until the end. But, things are a little looser this time around, so it is not to be. Oh well. The rest will be nice, and it will make me appreciate running more when I am finally baby-free.

PS: I met with a woman today for a charity project. She said she was talking to someone who said, "When is MM going to have that baby already?! She's HUGE!" First of all, I have three months to go and objectively know I am not HUGE. I have gained a perfectly respectable 20 pounds so far. Second, why did she feel the need to say that mean thing? And third, why did the woman feel the need to repeat it to me? Jerks.


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Better and worse

Q is doing better today. His fever is gone. Now he is full of snot. He constantly has these two lines of snot coming out of his nose. When I catch him and put him in a headlock to actually wipe it away, he acts like he is suffering Chinese water torture. He woke up this morning with dried snot all over this face. I wet a wash cloth to scrub it all off, and he fussed for about ten minutes after that. I am a cruel mother aren't I?

So, he is doing better, but I am not. I felt even more down in the dumps today. I just can't shake it. I want to just lay on the couch all day. I think I would if I could. That is if I didn't have work to go to, a snotty baby walking around, and a destructive tiny dachshund. I just am not feeling excited about anything. I feel like I should be, and that makes me feel even worse. Why am I not walking on air when I am in my third trimester of pregnancy with a good job, a great marriage, and a beautiful son? I wish I could just flip a happiness switch. Work has been frustrating lately and that is contributing to things. I just can't get enthused about waking up each day.

Poor T had a very long day today. He left around 5:30 this morning to make a three and a half hour drive. He didn't get home till 8:30 tonight. We had to have our daycare provider drop Q off at work, and a co-worker watched him for a few minutes until I was finished. I came upstairs to find him toddling around the news room and tossing a rubber band ball. I took him home, and we waited for T together. This will be even more fun when there are two of them.

On a side note, I am pretty sure Q calls me "da da." I hate that. I want my "ma ma!"

I go to see the physical therapist tomorrow for many achy hips. Hopefully I will get some relief.


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Sick boy

Last night when I got home, I put my hand on Q's back and could tell he was burning hot through the fabric of his pajamas. I touched his cheek, and it was also baking. He was waking up a bit so I took his temperature. Poor little thing had a fever of 102.3. I gave him some Tylenol and a drink of water. T was surprised when he came home from an errand to find Q sitting next to me on the couch. Today Q was snotty and congested and still feverish but not too bad. Man, those sicknesses can come on fast in babies!

We made it to swim lessons this morning, because he seemed okay. I saw this perfect-looking pregnant woman swimming laps and cursed her. Is she trying to make me feel bad?

My doctor's nurse called me yesterday and told me I do not have gestational diabetes, but I am anemic. I am a vegetarian, so that is always a struggle for me anyway, but it is especially common during pregnancy with all the extra blood in your body. So, now I am taking super duper iron tablets.

I am feeling a little sluggish and down lately. I think I am at the stage in my pregnancy where it still seems so far off, but I am still uncomfortable and anxious. I am excited for the baby to come, but I am much clearer this time on how challenging it all is, so there is none of the fairy tale excitement.

I know I will probably take a short maternity leave, and I feel a lot of pressure to do so, and then I know it will just be back to the work grind, just even harder than before. I am having a hard time getting myself enthused about that. T has some exciting changes headed his way career-wise, but I don't, and it's depressing me a bit. I always tell my friends who are trying to have a baby that it doesn't fix everything. It certainly is a nice addition, but you still have your old struggles and worries, just with another layer of complication.


Monday, January 14, 2008

Aches and pains

I swear my last pregnancy, I wasn't this achy. Maybe I just remember it better, but this time I feel old and in pain a lot more. I still have three months to go. My hips and pelvis are really just excruciating. It hurts to sit all day, but that's mostly what I do. This weekend I spent a lot of time laying on my side and that seemed to help.

I have pretty much given up on the idea of running. It pains me to stop. I feel off if I am not working out aggressively. Yesterday, T and I went for a long walk, and I couldn't even keep up. He's usually the slow one! Toward the end my hips hurt, and my belly was cramping. Today, I walked on the treadmill and actually ran for two songs, or a total of about seven minutes. I now run at about 5.8 mph. It is sad! I have a hard time coming to terms with it for some reason.

A friend of mine has a pregnant sister-in-law. She is due a month after me and is on bed rest. She can't move around for more than ten minutes at a time and can't even go upstairs. I guess things could be much worse, but I am looking forward to being able to run fast without toting a round belly around.

I see a physical therapist this week. I worry he will tell me to stop exercising completely. That won't be fun, but as I said, I need to realize it could be worse.


Friday, January 11, 2008

Spoke too soon

So, I guess I am not as much of a master of my frustration as I thought. I had a pretty rough morning. The contractors got here at 8:00 this morning to finish laying the wood floor. I went to bed around 2:30 a.m., so the last thing I wanted to hear was sawing and pounding five and a half hours later. I also hate the thought of strange men roaming around our house while I am in my pajamas, so I had T bring me up some breakfast. I laid around for awhile trying to drown out the noise and catch some much-needed shut-eye, but the effort was fruitless.

I had a play-date scheduled for 11:00 a.m but really wanted to squeeze in some treadmill time. After I walked rather than ran to protect my hips, I was way behind schedule. Q was having a horrible morning, screaming and crying and clinging to me legs. Then of course the dog pooped on the carpet and tried to steal Q's stuffed seal. I felt tears spring up in my eyes. I was going to be almost an hour late, I was tired, and my child and dog were stressing me out.

I called T and asked him to come home for ten minutes while I took a few deep breaths and tried not to get mad. The last thing I want to do is scream at Q or smack the dog. I just don't want to be that kind of mom. It helped to have T come home, finish getting Q ready and help us get out the door.

Spending a couple hours at my friend's house made me feel a lot better before going into work. I briefly considered cancelling and laying down and sulking, but I am glad I just sucked it up and kept going.

Maybe I don't have this patience thing down just yet.


Thursday, January 10, 2008

Frustration and patience

I thoroughly believe babies teach you patience. Babies of all types, not just humans. This proved true as I was changing Q yesterday. He started a screaming session, writhing around and fighting me tooth and nail. As I tried to distract him, wipe his bum, and wedge a new diaper underneath him, Ruby the dachshund puppy pooped behind us and then proceeded to start eating it. I felt a surge of frustration boiling up inside and then immediately buried it, scooped up the dog poop and fastened on Q's new diaper. Whew. I feel like I am getting better at this. I am coming to realize that if you get frustrated, your problem still remains. You can get mad, but then you have to just get over it and tackle the issue. Might as well not slow yourself down.

The contractor came today and started on our floor. I had to make dinner around the couch in our kitchen, but it is worth it. They got about a third of the way through. I am excited to see it finished.

T told our daycare provider last night about the switch to a new provider. I guess she took it well but seemed sad. I am glad that is out of the way. It's not easy though.


Serene birth, maybe?

My birth experience with Q did not exactly go as planned. My water broke at 34 weeks, or rather slowly leaked out, so I didn't even realize what was going on until a day later. At that point, the doctor wanted to speed things up to reduce the chance of infection.

I felt wonderful through the first few hours of labor, but then when I got a double-dose of pitocin, the contractions were pretty excruciating. I got an epidural, and Q came shortly after. I was glad to avoid a Cesarean section but had hoped for a bit more of a peaceful experience. I am not talking silent Scientologist birth, but just something a bit more enjoyable.

This time around, I am dabbling in the idea of hypnobirthing. The idea is to reduce the fear associated with giving birth and thereby reduce the pain. A part of me is still skeptical and open to an epidural, but I think it is worth a try. I am now reading the book and looking into classes. I'll let you know how it goes.

I had my prenatal appointment and ultrasound today and did my glucose test and two tests to check for premature labor. One involved the curling iron device I mentioned in a previous post. It still wasn't enjoyable, but at least I knew what was coming this time. Everything is right where it should be.

My hips and pelvis have still been aching continuously. I complained to my doctor today, and she referred me to a physical therapist. Hopefully that will help things. You'd think after millions of years this would all be simpler.


Monday, January 7, 2008

Can you hear me now?

Q had a hearing test today to rule out any problems. The Early Intervention folks recommended it just to make sure that is not the issue. We were pretty sure he could hear fine, because he can hear barking at two miles and identify "doggie!"

The test was interesting. Q had to sit in a high chair in a sound booth, and I had to hold his attention. Then the audiologist would speak to him through speakers on either side of his head. He would then turn to where the sound was coming from and a cartoon would pop up on a small television screen causing Q to squeal in excitement. I was then to get his attention back to the center, so he could be tested again.

The problem is Q is a very loud child. He constantly babbles and bangs his toys and squeals and yells. Some of the more subtle sounds he had no chance of hearing, because he just drowned them out. Goofy little guy.

The audiologist then tried to put this little sensor in his ear, but Q was having no part of that. He kept squirming and yanking it out, despite our desperate attempts to distract him with plastic dinosaurs and bubbles.

She finally decided he was probably perfectly fine, but we should come back in May when he is a bit older and calmer to do a more thorough test. We'll see if he is really calmer.

I swam 45 minutes in the pool last night. I could barely stretch one of my one-piece swimsuits over my balloon belly. It was very nice and peaceful and easy on my hips. I will have to do that more often.


Sunday, January 6, 2008

Sick of sick days

We have an epidemic at work of people calling in sick. I mean can you really be sick ten times a year? I use a handful at most. Last Thursday, a co-worker whose job affects mine directly called in sick. That means I couldn't take any sort of break and was basically sitting at my desk or on set for nine straight hours. I did rush down to the break room to microwave my dinner, but that was it.

Sitting constantly has really been aggravating my hip and pelvic pain in this pregnancy. I have to stand up every few minutes to rock my hips around and relieve some of the pain. Lately it constantly feels like someone kicked me very hard in the crotch, and like I fell really hard on my butt. It is not pleasant.

The next day, this co-worker made a miraculous recovery and said she "needed the rest." Nice of her to take a day to lay around at the expense of her six-months pregnant co-worker. I could use the rest! But, that's what weekends are for. I just thought it was incredibly selfish.

I have also been getting pretty constant Braxton-Hicks contractions. Your uterus tightens up in a practice contraction. A few of mine have been fairly painful, and on Friday they were just coming on continuously. This weekend, with some laying around, they have been much less frequent. It is a bit worrying though.

Ruby the mini-dachshund is turning out to be quite the handful. She has taken to eating poop out of the cats' litter box. It is nauseating. She also is not anywhere close to being potty-trained. Our cats and apparently the previous owner's dog also had accidents on the carpet. It is now spotted and gross. So, T has taken on the task of putting in hardwood flooring. It is actually laminate, but it should look nice and make cleaning up after all our various beasts easier. He is ripping out the carpet this weekend and will start on the floor next week.

We have made the decision to switch daycare. I previously mentioned how our provider wanted paid vacation, and this week we learned she is going through a divorce. I really feel for her. It sounds so difficult and complicated. Q is often the only one there after 5:00 p.m. when her husband comes home, so she has been taking him to her mom's at that time, which means extra drive time for us.

Her husband seems very nice, and they have three children. It is such a sad situation. I always wonder what went wrong? How can you go from being so in love with someone to not wanting to be in the same house with them? Divorce often seems to be for the best in the long run, but nothing about the process seems appealing, especially when children are involved. Who will move? Who will get the children for the holidays? How do you start dating again? I am not sure how she will keep her business up and running during the transition, so I feel like this is the best time to make the change.

Anyway, we met with a woman this weekend who has a toddler son. She would take care of Q and eventually the new baby in our home for less than what we are paying now. You can't beat that. She is a former paramedic and just seems great.

Now we have the awful task of telling our current provider the news. I hate to take away the money from her, when she is clearly in a financial tight spot with the divorce. Q has been virtually a member of their family since he was ten-weeks-old, and I know her daughters are close to him. It makes me sad just thinking about it, but we are giving her a month notice. I know we have to make the best decision for our family, but it is still difficult.

I am heading to the gym to swim in a little bit. I haven't done that in awhile. I think it will feel better on my hips than walking and running. As long as I can squeeze into one of my suits.


Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Skirt slip

Q has taken up a bad habit lately. He likes to pull himself up on my legs and stand there why clinging to my clothes. Of course, many of my clothes are now very elastic in the mid-section because of my basketball belly. So, today on more than one occasion Q pulled down my skirt. It was cute and funny in the bathroom alone. Q laughed. But, when the babysitter was there, and I had to quickly grab my waistband, it was not so funny. I sense a huge moment of embarrassment looming.


Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Working mama grief

Over the last few days, I have been getting a lot of questions and criticism for being a working mother. It is starting to irritate me.

It started at a work party last weekend. The wife of an older man I work with was asking if I was returning to work after the baby was born. I told her I was. She had many questions about where my sons would go and what a shame it was.

Then at a first birthday party this weekend, more questions. I finally told one woman that I enjoyed working, and I think I always will. I feel like they expect me to say I wish I could stay home, but it just isn't possible. That is not the case. Our lifestyle certainly would be different if only T worked, but if I absolutely wanted to stay home with the children I could.

I am (at least) as smart as T. I earned two college degrees. Why should I stay home just because I am female? It is so irritating to me. T doesn't get these questions. I guess though if he did decide to stay home, he would get the opposite ones.

I had a brief few months right after Q was born, when I wondered if I should stay home, or if I should make that my goal in a few years. But, I figured out pretty quickly that my calling in life is not to be a stay-at-home-mom. In some ways, I wish it were. That would make life simpler and reduce the constant criticism. But, I know I am happier and more fulfilled when I work and have a family. I respect people who do have that gift of being extremely nurturing and motherly to children. I feel like Q almost benefits from being with people like that for a portion of the day, instead of just with his frazzled mama 24/7.

I like that Q sees a strong woman and will know his mom is happy and fulfilled. I have no doubt he will grow up respecting women. It just annoys me that I have to keep defending myself to people. Why do I have to be polite to them when they are not polite to me?