Monday, May 24, 2010


I hate being sick. It used to be school, laying in bed, watching cartoons. I used to wish I would get sick. Now it is just a huge pain.

When you are sick, you sometimes wish you were just really extremely sick, so you didn't have to worry about it. You'd be in the hospital, feeling miserable without any question of whether you should skip work. Well, that might not entirely be true, but it's close.

I was sick for most of last week. Our household was germ-infested complete with snotty noses and barking coughs. I felt like crap on Thursday, but I had a class I felt like I shouldn't miss. I consumed probably two dozen cough drops that day and constantly felt self-conscious as my hacking couch interrupted the lesson.

I had exercise classes Thursday morning and night. My voice was a pathetic croak, and I was just worn out. I mostly told them to do walking lunges, and then lounged against the wall.

Friday I was a wreck, but I had another class I felt like I couldn't miss. (See-if I was unconscious in the hospital I wouldn't have these quandaries!) So I dragged my carcass to work and probably disgusted everyone around me as I unwrapped cough drops and stacked my snot rags.

I often feel slightly annoyed at sick people at work. I think Why aren't you at home? Don't get me sick! But when I am in the same situation it always seems easier to just suck it up and head in to work. I have about one total sick day right now, and it would be better spent on an inevitable child sickness. And anything I miss at work will just make the next day harder. Plus I tend to think work will help distract me. When I stay home I lay in bed and concentrate on how miserable I feel.

The coughs are winding down now, and my voice is almost back to full strength. You don't realize how good it feels to be healthy until you aren't for awhile.


Sunday, May 16, 2010


It is hard to learn new things, and I'm pretty sure I don't like it.

I had an uncomfortable week. For the first three days, I was co-teaching a customer class for the first time. It was awkward and humbling. The other trainer has been teaching this class for years and knows the material backward and forward. I just learned it two months ago. I didn't have the answers to most of their questions and constantly had to ask her to step in. I am used to being confident and comfortable in what I do, and I was far from that.

I realized it has been a long time since I have done something completely new. I have been an aerobics instructor for 12 years, and I was a journalist for almost 10. I knew those jobs so well they were easy and automatic. But this is a whole new ball of wax. I am teaching computer software! Everything about that sentence should be wrong, yet here I am, hired and trained.

I felt pretty discouraged early in the week, but by the end I was slightly uplifted. I know I need to go back and study the material until it is automatic. I know it can only get better. But that doesn't make it easy.


An update from the sour Skittle saga: my office mate returned from the break room on Thursday and said, "Didn't you get screwed out of some sour Skittles the other day?"

"Yes," I said bitterly.

"Here you go," he said tossing the bright green bag of sour joy onto my desk. "They were just laying on top of the vending machine."

Ahhhh. Someone has a good heart. Or maybe they just don't like sour Skittles. But that would be downright crazy.


I am now 18 weeks pregnant and at that still fairly cute stage. My belly is round but not gigantic. I am feeling movement I think, but I am never sure until I feel a decisive kick. I had a doctor's appointment on Friday and heard that comforting gallop sound of the baby's heartbeat. I always am slightly nervous as the doctor is putting that Doppler onto my belly. What if there was nothing? Ugh. I don't even want to think about it, and yet I can help it.


Sunday, May 9, 2010

To be a mother

Here I am, a mother of two-year-old and four-year-old boys with one on the way. Maybe not another boy, but probably. :) I could never have pictured myself in this position, yet here I am. There were many times in high school and college when I was almost positive I didn't want children. But then I fell in love and got married, and it just seemed natural. It was exactly what I wanted.

I heard a question this week on some news show, "Knowing what you know now, would you still have children?" There are some days when I would probably respond with a resounding "NO!" But for the most part, my answer is a heartfelt yes. That is why I am here watching my belly expand, preparing to go down this road again.

The surprising thing to me about parenthood was how horribly frustrating and difficult it can be. You just expect it to be blissful. Tiring maybe, but so happy. And the truth is, a lot of times it isn't happy. A lot of times it is exhausting, maddening, grueling, thankless. But other times it fills you with pride and love and adoration and you feel so proud to be a mother and so thankful to experience this joy.

Those moments are fleeting and seem to come most often when your child is under 18 months or sleeping, but they are unbeatable. There is absolutely nothing like that feeling of love for your child.

Motherhood is complicated, stressful, painful, and hard. But it is also a gift. I am so happy to be someone's mother. Even if I don't seem like it everyday.


Friday, May 7, 2010

Sour horrors

I have a small addiction to sour things. Sour Patch Kids, margaritas, sour Icebreakers. In fact I used to eat sour Icebreakers until my tongue was burning and my taste buds were inflamed. It's a problem, I know.

I have since banned myself from those fun little Icebreaker hockey-puck like packages. As for Sour Patch Kids, I only like the greens and yellows, so that keeps me mostly on the wagon. But wouldn't you know it, an obstacle crashed into the path of my sour sobriety this week. And it's name is Sour Skittles. (Find an idea for my birthday present here) They are extremely sour with just a hint of sweet. They are chewy but not gummy. They are the ideal sour thing.

I stumbled upon these sour bits of heaven while perusing the lone vending machine in our building. I quickly set about polishing off the supply. There were only a few bags. Lurking behind them were a row of Twix. I thoroughly enjoyed the couple bags until there was just one left in the row.

Yesterday afternoon, I had a craving for sourness, so I headed down the hall with one semi-smooth dollar bill. I fed it into the machine and selected D6, my mouth already watering in anticipation of the sour assault. And then....horror of horrors...the bag got stuck.

I began jostling the machine, shaking it, bumping my shoulder against it. Anything to get my sour fix! Then I realized this was a little sad and a lot embarrassing, so I slunk back to my office in defeat.

Today, my sour craving was back, and this time I decided I would buy a Twix to get my sweet sourness. But like salt in my wound, my Sour Skittles bag was gone and only Twix remained.
I imagine someone was quite delighted when they got a double dose of candy this morning. Jerk.
Sometimes life just isn't fair.


Sunday, May 2, 2010


Saw Green Zone last night. Very scary. Doesn't exactly make you proud to be an American.