I had two intense moments of guilt today. You just never get used to it. The first horrible feeling came when I was trimming R's tiny fingernails. You can probably guess what came next. I snipped a bit of his tiny index finger, and he started wailing. I seriously felt like I was going to throw up. I think you feel your child's pain more intensely than your own. Fingers of course bleed like crazy, so that little millimeter-wide cut seemed to bleed forever. I apologized over and over and put a tiny band aid on. Just thinking about it now makes me feel sick all over again.
The second awful feeling of guilt came when I was running on the treadmill. R was hanging out in his bouncy chair next to me, and Q was playing with cars. Then Q reached over and pushed this little switch on the bottom of the treadmill. It made it stop abruptly. It's not like I was close to falling off or anything, but it startled me, and I screamed at him. I immediately felt horrible, and said, "Mama's sorry for yelling at you, but please do NOT turn that off." It's not like I never raise my voice to him, but I really screamed this time unnecessarily, and that is just not the mother I want to be.
--MM
I'm sorry you had such a crappy day. Things happen, you can't beat yourself up about it. I've been there so many times... being a Mom is tough all the way around. The good news is we have a lot more good than bad days, right? ;-)
ReplyDeletemeanie. at least that's where critters are easy - get mad, throw them outside for a bit. Guess that's hard to do with a 2 y/o
ReplyDeleteThat happens. I've been tired and cranky and that's when I've snapped at Polly. I always feel SO bad afterward.
ReplyDeletePS: I started reading "Certain Girls" this week. I like it so far!