One of the blogs I read raised an interesting question. So, I thought I would hijack it and make it my own. You can read her (probably more eloquent) take here.
She asks what your biggest regret is. She says hers is waiting to have kids, and she mentions other women who said they wished they would have had more kids.
I really believe more women are going to feel like this in the coming years. Women now seem to think they have all the time in the world to have children, but biologically that is just not true, and it could be a devastating realization down the road.
I always seemed to want to have kids a little earlier than T, so we compromised, but still started earlier than most of our friends. I told him I want to finish having babies by the time I am 35, because it is better for my body and there is less chance of birth defects.
I know timing is often based on chance. You never know when you are going to meet the person you actually want to have babies with. And, you have to juggle money, career, and education. But, I think many women are convinced now they should get married in their 30's and not even think about children until they are 35. That's just going to lead to more fertility treatments and the issues they bring. I also think too many couples think fertility treatments are the silver bullet. They are not guaranteed.
It is wonderful that women are so encouraged to pursue a career these days. You are much less likely to be looked down upon for continuing to work after becoming a mother (though it definitely still happens). I just think many women are going to inadvertently choose career over family.
Women have to be aware that their situation is very different from men's. There never seems to be a perfect time to have children, but you just want to make sure you don't wait until it is too late.
--MM
Yep, you are right. I know I would ruffle a lot of feathers if I kept going on in my post yesterday. The reality is I was married at 27 and kept putting off kids for the most ridulous reasons (even though S. and I both wanted them). I had David at 35, and never, ever did I question my fertility. I thought it was a given. How stupid that is looking back now.
ReplyDeleteYou CAN wait too long. And if I could have given advice to my 27 year old self, I would have said... there are no guarantees in life. Make choices wisely. Don't play chicken with your biological clock. It has a cost.
I think the sad thing is that women even have to make that choice. Career and family are valued highly in this country/society -- but as separate entities with high standards. It's pretty hard to be "successful" in one without sacrificing quality in the other -- thus the choice. Taking a break to have a family isn't a career-ender in Europe. That's just the way it is.
ReplyDeleteThat being said... I always told myself in my 20's that I would work on my career, but I'd like to have a baby by the time I'm 30. That happened, but not at all in the way I'd planned. Sometimes you just can't control the way it works out.