Maybe some day I will look back on this and laugh, but it is hard to imagine right now. I just had to leave the grocery store without buying a thing because my two small children were having concurrent meltdowns.
Let's back up a bit. T worked all week, then went to school all day Saturday, then left today (Sunday) on a business trip. I feel like a single stay-at-home mom and that is not what I signed up for. Especially since I am a working mother and the bread-winner.
When I went to the grocery store just now, R was in his baby seat in the front part of the cart and Q was in the back. I attempted to put Q in the grocery store day care, but as I expected he clung to my legs and refused to go in. Then R started wailing. I tried to hold R and have Q sit in the front, but Q kept climbing out. Nearby shoppers started to stare. I felt fabulous as you can imagine. I made a valiant attempt to try to at least get the essentials. I don't even have cereal to eat tomorrow morning. I put some bananas in the cart and wrestled R into his sling. He continued to cry and there really wasn't any room in the cart with Q in there. I put the bananas back, wheeled out to the car, and drove home, crying along the way.
I feel like I am being asked to sacrifice too much right now. T is going to school and starting a new job and never home. I am nursing all night and constantly sleep-deprived. It all falls on me, and I am dreading when I go back to work and it is twice as difficult. I worry that I will take it out on Q and not be the good mom he deserves.
I'm just not sure what to do. I imagine I will feel better tonight or tomorrow, but right now I am just overwhelmed, frustrated, and unhappy.
--MM
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