I feel a bit confused lately. I just can't seem to make up my mind where I want to be next in life, and even if I did know, I feel like I don't have that control.
Sometimes when staying at home is frustrating and mind-numbing, all I want to do is return to a full-time, meaningful job. I used to be successful! I was good at what I did! I have two college degrees! So I still apply for jobs from time to time but obviously the market is flooded with people even more qualified than me.
I do enjoy teaching fitness classes. I am passionate about it, and it does have a number of perks: staying in shape, a gym membership, and sometimes free child care. But I even feel unqualified to do this sometimes. Granted I have been doing it for eleven years and have all my certifications, but many of the people I teach with have college degrees in this area. I just feel over-matched every way I turn.
Sometimes I think I want to go back to college and get my MBA or a law degree or a Masters in Journalism. But then I look at the admissions statistics at UW Madison and feel deflated again. Plus I think I would be pursuing those degrees because I think I should or because I think it looks good on paper.
I wish I felt worthwhile enough just by raising my children. But I don't. I feel left behind somehow. Though I felt being a working mom was exhausting and overwhelming, I look back on it fondly.
I am hoping the right path just appears in front of me. The harder I look for it, the more confused I become.
--MM
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