Tug of war

Details of our next step in life are beginning to fall into place. I am anxious and excited but worried and hesitant. T is being transferred to a new position. It is a good move for him and a great step in his career. Two huge things are weighing on my mind: selling our house and not losing a ton of money and telling my work that I am leaving.

Another decision for me that I have been constantly thinking about is the next step in my career. Do I stay in my current profession and endure an extremely long commute for a low-level job? Do I embark on a new career and again face a long commute? I have agonized over the decision and think I have come to a solution I am comfortable with. I think I am going to stay at home with my boys and teach aerobics and yoga classes during the week. Then if it is just not for me, I will look for a job. I am excited to be able to see my sons more often, spend evenings with my husband, and not have to work on holidays. But, I do have a lot of fears. I am used to feeling valuable and important. My career is my identity and my self-worth. What will I feel like when I am just someone's mom and husband? Do I start going by my married name even though I have been known by my maiden name for the past 30 years? Will I resent my husband and his success?

These are definitely worries I have, but I am prepared for them. I know I will have to find ways to keep busy and get out of the house, and if I find myself unhappy and unfulfilled, I will go in a different direction.

I also have worries about re-entering the career world after taking time off to stay home. Will anyone hire me? Will I start at the very bottom? I am toying with the idea of working on my Master's the next few years.

My mind is reeling with constant thoughts and worries, but mostly I am excited. We have been where we are for five and a half years. I am ready for a change, and I think this is the right one.

--MM