Short-timer

It's strange being almost gone. My boss spread the word of my departure today. People are already telling me goodbye, good luck, keep in touch. I keep reminding them, "I'm going to be here two more months!" I guess just like I am checking out of my current life, they are crossing me out of theirs. It's sad in a way.

I also am nervous about making the wrong decision. When I was in high school, I never even thought I wanted to have children. I just pictured myself as a professional woman. I am a strong feminist and didn't think I should be relegated to the household. I never would have pictured myself about to step into this lifestyle.

And yet it feels right for our family right now. I was getting to the point where I was working long, crazy hours because I felt like I was supposed to. I pride myself on getting tons of things done during a day, but it doesn't necessarily make me happy. I was getting to caught up in the idea of what my life should be like, instead of what it actually was or what I wanted it to be. My job doesn't inspire me enough to continue to give up my evenings and holidays. I feel like my career was stealing from me instead of adding to me.

Still, it is hard to acknowledge that this place will go on just fine without me. I will be replaced and life will go on. I feel protective of my position and am worried part of my identity will slip away when my title does. I have to keep reminding myself that this is not a permanent, binding decision. I can change my mind.

But this is certainly a turning point. And change is often painful even if it brings about a happy ending.

--MM