Spoke too soon

So, I guess I am not as much of a master of my frustration as I thought. I had a pretty rough morning. The contractors got here at 8:00 this morning to finish laying the wood floor. I went to bed around 2:30 a.m., so the last thing I wanted to hear was sawing and pounding five and a half hours later. I also hate the thought of strange men roaming around our house while I am in my pajamas, so I had T bring me up some breakfast. I laid around for awhile trying to drown out the noise and catch some much-needed shut-eye, but the effort was fruitless.

I had a play-date scheduled for 11:00 a.m but really wanted to squeeze in some treadmill time. After I walked rather than ran to protect my hips, I was way behind schedule. Q was having a horrible morning, screaming and crying and clinging to me legs. Then of course the dog pooped on the carpet and tried to steal Q's stuffed seal. I felt tears spring up in my eyes. I was going to be almost an hour late, I was tired, and my child and dog were stressing me out.

I called T and asked him to come home for ten minutes while I took a few deep breaths and tried not to get mad. The last thing I want to do is scream at Q or smack the dog. I just don't want to be that kind of mom. It helped to have T come home, finish getting Q ready and help us get out the door.

Spending a couple hours at my friend's house made me feel a lot better before going into work. I briefly considered cancelling and laying down and sulking, but I am glad I just sucked it up and kept going.

Maybe I don't have this patience thing down just yet.

--MM

Frustration and patience

I thoroughly believe babies teach you patience. Babies of all types, not just humans. This proved true as I was changing Q yesterday. He started a screaming session, writhing around and fighting me tooth and nail. As I tried to distract him, wipe his bum, and wedge a new diaper underneath him, Ruby the dachshund puppy pooped behind us and then proceeded to start eating it. I felt a surge of frustration boiling up inside and then immediately buried it, scooped up the dog poop and fastened on Q's new diaper. Whew. I feel like I am getting better at this. I am coming to realize that if you get frustrated, your problem still remains. You can get mad, but then you have to just get over it and tackle the issue. Might as well not slow yourself down.

The contractor came today and started on our floor. I had to make dinner around the couch in our kitchen, but it is worth it. They got about a third of the way through. I am excited to see it finished.

T told our daycare provider last night about the switch to a new provider. I guess she took it well but seemed sad. I am glad that is out of the way. It's not easy though.

--MM

Serene birth, maybe?

My birth experience with Q did not exactly go as planned. My water broke at 34 weeks, or rather slowly leaked out, so I didn't even realize what was going on until a day later. At that point, the doctor wanted to speed things up to reduce the chance of infection.

I felt wonderful through the first few hours of labor, but then when I got a double-dose of pitocin, the contractions were pretty excruciating. I got an epidural, and Q came shortly after. I was glad to avoid a Cesarean section but had hoped for a bit more of a peaceful experience. I am not talking silent Scientologist birth, but just something a bit more enjoyable.

This time around, I am dabbling in the idea of hypnobirthing. The idea is to reduce the fear associated with giving birth and thereby reduce the pain. A part of me is still skeptical and open to an epidural, but I think it is worth a try. I am now reading the book and looking into classes. I'll let you know how it goes.

I had my prenatal appointment and ultrasound today and did my glucose test and two tests to check for premature labor. One involved the curling iron device I mentioned in a previous post. It still wasn't enjoyable, but at least I knew what was coming this time. Everything is right where it should be.

My hips and pelvis have still been aching continuously. I complained to my doctor today, and she referred me to a physical therapist. Hopefully that will help things. You'd think after millions of years this would all be simpler.

--MM

Can you hear me now?

Q had a hearing test today to rule out any problems. The Early Intervention folks recommended it just to make sure that is not the issue. We were pretty sure he could hear fine, because he can hear barking at two miles and identify "doggie!"

The test was interesting. Q had to sit in a high chair in a sound booth, and I had to hold his attention. Then the audiologist would speak to him through speakers on either side of his head. He would then turn to where the sound was coming from and a cartoon would pop up on a small television screen causing Q to squeal in excitement. I was then to get his attention back to the center, so he could be tested again.

The problem is Q is a very loud child. He constantly babbles and bangs his toys and squeals and yells. Some of the more subtle sounds he had no chance of hearing, because he just drowned them out. Goofy little guy.

The audiologist then tried to put this little sensor in his ear, but Q was having no part of that. He kept squirming and yanking it out, despite our desperate attempts to distract him with plastic dinosaurs and bubbles.

She finally decided he was probably perfectly fine, but we should come back in May when he is a bit older and calmer to do a more thorough test. We'll see if he is really calmer.

I swam 45 minutes in the pool last night. I could barely stretch one of my one-piece swimsuits over my balloon belly. It was very nice and peaceful and easy on my hips. I will have to do that more often.

--MM

Sick of sick days

We have an epidemic at work of people calling in sick. I mean can you really be sick ten times a year? I use a handful at most. Last Thursday, a co-worker whose job affects mine directly called in sick. That means I couldn't take any sort of break and was basically sitting at my desk or on set for nine straight hours. I did rush down to the break room to microwave my dinner, but that was it.

Sitting constantly has really been aggravating my hip and pelvic pain in this pregnancy. I have to stand up every few minutes to rock my hips around and relieve some of the pain. Lately it constantly feels like someone kicked me very hard in the crotch, and like I fell really hard on my butt. It is not pleasant.

The next day, this co-worker made a miraculous recovery and said she "needed the rest." Nice of her to take a day to lay around at the expense of her six-months pregnant co-worker. I could use the rest! But, that's what weekends are for. I just thought it was incredibly selfish.

I have also been getting pretty constant Braxton-Hicks contractions. Your uterus tightens up in a practice contraction. A few of mine have been fairly painful, and on Friday they were just coming on continuously. This weekend, with some laying around, they have been much less frequent. It is a bit worrying though.

Ruby the mini-dachshund is turning out to be quite the handful. She has taken to eating poop out of the cats' litter box. It is nauseating. She also is not anywhere close to being potty-trained. Our cats and apparently the previous owner's dog also had accidents on the carpet. It is now spotted and gross. So, T has taken on the task of putting in hardwood flooring. It is actually laminate, but it should look nice and make cleaning up after all our various beasts easier. He is ripping out the carpet this weekend and will start on the floor next week.

We have made the decision to switch daycare. I previously mentioned how our provider wanted paid vacation, and this week we learned she is going through a divorce. I really feel for her. It sounds so difficult and complicated. Q is often the only one there after 5:00 p.m. when her husband comes home, so she has been taking him to her mom's at that time, which means extra drive time for us.

Her husband seems very nice, and they have three children. It is such a sad situation. I always wonder what went wrong? How can you go from being so in love with someone to not wanting to be in the same house with them? Divorce often seems to be for the best in the long run, but nothing about the process seems appealing, especially when children are involved. Who will move? Who will get the children for the holidays? How do you start dating again? I am not sure how she will keep her business up and running during the transition, so I feel like this is the best time to make the change.

Anyway, we met with a woman this weekend who has a toddler son. She would take care of Q and eventually the new baby in our home for less than what we are paying now. You can't beat that. She is a former paramedic and just seems great.

Now we have the awful task of telling our current provider the news. I hate to take away the money from her, when she is clearly in a financial tight spot with the divorce. Q has been virtually a member of their family since he was ten-weeks-old, and I know her daughters are close to him. It makes me sad just thinking about it, but we are giving her a month notice. I know we have to make the best decision for our family, but it is still difficult.

I am heading to the gym to swim in a little bit. I haven't done that in awhile. I think it will feel better on my hips than walking and running. As long as I can squeeze into one of my suits.

--MM

Skirt slip

Q has taken up a bad habit lately. He likes to pull himself up on my legs and stand there why clinging to my clothes. Of course, many of my clothes are now very elastic in the mid-section because of my basketball belly. So, today on more than one occasion Q pulled down my skirt. It was cute and funny in the bathroom alone. Q laughed. But, when the babysitter was there, and I had to quickly grab my waistband, it was not so funny. I sense a huge moment of embarrassment looming.

--MM

Working mama grief

Over the last few days, I have been getting a lot of questions and criticism for being a working mother. It is starting to irritate me.

It started at a work party last weekend. The wife of an older man I work with was asking if I was returning to work after the baby was born. I told her I was. She had many questions about where my sons would go and what a shame it was.

Then at a first birthday party this weekend, more questions. I finally told one woman that I enjoyed working, and I think I always will. I feel like they expect me to say I wish I could stay home, but it just isn't possible. That is not the case. Our lifestyle certainly would be different if only T worked, but if I absolutely wanted to stay home with the children I could.

I am (at least) as smart as T. I earned two college degrees. Why should I stay home just because I am female? It is so irritating to me. T doesn't get these questions. I guess though if he did decide to stay home, he would get the opposite ones.

I had a brief few months right after Q was born, when I wondered if I should stay home, or if I should make that my goal in a few years. But, I figured out pretty quickly that my calling in life is not to be a stay-at-home-mom. In some ways, I wish it were. That would make life simpler and reduce the constant criticism. But, I know I am happier and more fulfilled when I work and have a family. I respect people who do have that gift of being extremely nurturing and motherly to children. I feel like Q almost benefits from being with people like that for a portion of the day, instead of just with his frazzled mama 24/7.

I like that Q sees a strong woman and will know his mom is happy and fulfilled. I have no doubt he will grow up respecting women. It just annoys me that I have to keep defending myself to people. Why do I have to be polite to them when they are not polite to me?

--MM