Center of the world

The place I call home has been the center of the political world lately it seems (if you don't count the Middle East). Madison, Wisconsin, is filled with union supporters and tea party activists passionately voicing their opinions.

In last Fall's election, Republicans took control of the governorship and the State House and State Assembly. In an effort to repair Wisconsin's huge budget shortfall, Governor Scott Walker announced deep cuts for state workers and the end of almost all collective bargaining rights for public unions. Salary negotiations would be the only area still allowed.

Wisconsin has a rich tradition of workers' rights, and this decision is not sitting well with thousands of teachers, firefighters, police officers, and public health nurses. (One note: Walker's proposal exempts public safety workers, though most are still throwing their support behind teachers' unions and other state workers.)

Now things are really getting interesting as 14 Democratic State Senators are hiding out in Illinois to stop the bill from passing. Protesters are sleeping inside the capitol rotunda, and it apparently is kind of rank in there. School was cancelled for four days but is now back in session.

The Assembly did quickly pass the bill during a lull in debate in the middle of the night, causing an uproar and shouts of "Shame!" from surprised Democrats. So much for the civil political discourse supposedly in place after the shooting of Democratic Representative Gabby Giffords in Tucson, Arizona.

I think the days of fat public pensions and free health care are a thing of the past. It's not justified for public employees to have a much cushier deal than the rest of us. But I think public employees realize that and are not asking for more than their fair share. In fact, they agreed to the steep cuts that Walker proposed, as long as they could keep their collective bargaining rights, and Walker flat-out refused. It makes one suspect there must be more than the current budget motivating this bill.

Wisconsin led the way for workers' rights that we now take for granted. Abolishing those rights puts workers at risk of mistreatment by their government. And there has been no good explanation why collective bargaining rights must be slashed even if public unions agree to salary and benefit cuts.

Democrats don't have every solid footing, and Republicans clearly have the upper hand. The Dems can't stay out of the state forever. I hope that the GOP will see it fit to give a little and reach some sort of compromise rather than acting like toddlers that insist on getting their own way.

One thing is certain, we live in interesting times, and if nothing else, it is enjoyable to have a front seat to political discourse.

--MM

Hands off

An awkward-looking contraption has changed my life. I breastfed my first two babies for a year each and am determined to do the same with Lena. That means breast-pumping two to three times a day, so that I can have the bottles ready for the nanny to take the next morning.

It's not as easy task. Every three or four hours, you must find a private place to collect your milk. Go much longer and you feel like you are going to burst and you inevitably start leaking. Once in the morning and once in the afternoon, I shut my office door with a sign prominently displayed warning visitors "Do Not Enter!" I close my shades and do my business. If I am training, I either score the one mother's room or stake out a spot in the private bathroom.

Pumping used to involve checking out of my day for 15 minutes or so, holding on to the bottles and watching the seconds tick by. Often if I was at my desk, I would try to wedge the bottles against the side of the desk so I could free up at least one hand for typing. It did not go well.

That is until I found this amazing contraption. The video is a little freaky and quite unrealistic, but I must say, I love this thing. It takes a bit of maneuvering, but once I get everything strapped into place, my hands are free, and I am pumping away.

I even typed part of this while pumping! And you didn't even know it!

It is a wonderful thing. I can kill two birds with one stone, and I end up pumping a lot longer. Plus, as you can see in the video, it is highly attractive.

--MM

I need a wet nurse

I remember secretly liking when I got sick when I was younger. It meant a day on the couch watching TV with my mom taking care of me. I had no worries and plenty of time to rest and recover. It got a bit less enjoyable when I hit high school and college and sickness meant missed class and more work. Then when I was a single, working woman sick days were kind of enjoyable again. I was back on the couch, no one to take care of me, but plenty of daytime TV and laziness.

All that is out the window as a working mom. Last week I got horribly sick with some sort of respiratory thing. By a bad twist of fate, it was also the day we were socked with a huge blizzard. I croaked my way through a step aerobics class and went to work Monday with a raspy voice. I opted to skip class that night, but worried about what I would miss.

The next day, it hurt to move and my fever climbed to 103.3! I was alternately sweaty and then freezing. I was coughing and my head hurt. I felt dizzy if I even sat up in bed. Thankfully T took the kids to the nanny. What do stay-at-home moms do? I can't imagine. I did need to still pump milk though. You just can't go the whole day without doing it. Not only would that be monstrously painful, Lena wouldn't have any food for the next day. It took monumental effort to get all the pieces of my pump and prop myself up against pillows for 15 minutes several times that day. But I did it.

When the kids returned home Tuesday night, T fed them dinner, and I nursed Lena and she lay next to me on the bed. How was I possibly going to avoid her getting sick? (She did end up getting sick the next week, but thankfully it passed quickly.) I thought about going to the doctor, but by this time offices were closed due to the blizzard.

The next day, I stayed home again and managed to take a shower. After lunch, my fever had broken, and I felt like a new woman. The list of work tasks I had awaiting me were weighing heavily on my mind, so I plugged in my computer and worked a half day from home. By Thursday, I was back at work and back in class trying to stifle my coughs.

Life doesn't slow down when you are sick unfortunately. It just becomes more complicated. I am glad I have a husband and childcare, so at least I can check out for a bit. Now T is sick as the germs make the way through our house. I can't wait until this sick season is over, the ibuprofen is put back on the shelf, and the sounds of coughing fade.

--MM

Go Pack!

A Packers fan from birth.

--MM

Sleepy time

If I could have one wish right now, it would be to have 24 hours to just sleep, and lay around, and watch trashy things on TV like Jersey Shore and the Real Housewives of various places. And I would want this 24 hours to be guilt-free and maybe even paid. How can I arrange this?

It has been a tiring week. Lena was up several times during the night this week. On Monday and Tuesday, I solo-trained a class that I probably have no business solo-training yet. The trainees were an interesting mix of thinking I was the worst trainer they have ever had and loving me. One person evaluated me as a 1 out of 5 (5 being best), while another trainee made me an origami kangaroo. Yesterday the nanny called to report R had a fever of 103.2. Not good. After a long wait in the Urgent Care waiting room (during which I was falling asleep against R's head), we found out he has strep throat.

Despite a near continuous infusion of caffeine, I find myself constantly tired. I don't think I can pinpoint a moment in the last month in which I did not want to take a nap. I fall asleep slumped against T during car trips to my parents. I fall asleep during every MBA class. This is not good during Economics when I have the slimmest grasp on what he is talking about in the first place. School and work have me frazzled and the sleep I do get seems to be fragmented and fitful. I find myself dreaming about work. Yuck.

I need to find a way to relax myself and to get out of this urgent pace. These are all good things happening in my life. No reason to be frenzied. I just need to settle....and smile. After all, the Packers are going to the Super Bowl! Ah, I smile just typing that.

--MM

Wow

This is hard. I knew it would be hard, but it is very, very hard. My first day back to work was last Monday, January 3rd. That also marked our first day with a new nanny, Q's first day at a new school, and my first day teaching a new step class at 6:00 a.m. Excellent planning, no? The morning was a flurry of breastfeeding, diaper bags, showering, little boy clothes, and cups of coffee. Many cups of coffee.

The night before I laid out two outfits for myself--one for step class, one for work--outfits for the boys, and Lena's clothes. I packed a bag for the boys with diapers, wipes, extra underwear and pants, and one for Lena with all her baby stuff. Q's book bag was packed and ready to go with his school supplies. Bottles of milk were waiting in the fridge and my breast pump was packed up. We got out the door and to Q's school on time. He happily but shyly settled into his new room, and I said goodbye to Lena and R. It wasn't easy to leave that baby.

At work I got used to my office again, trying to remember everything I hadn't thought about for several weeks. I tried to organize my tasks to minimize the growing anxiety I was feeling. I made a sign to hang on my door when I was pumping milk, because my door doesn't lock. To add to the madness, last weekend and this weekend I had class half a day Friday and all day Saturday. For the first time in many years, I bit off all my fingernails. I felt seized by stress.

It does feel good to be back to a routine and to feel like I am contributing to the world. So far I have been meeting my deadlines and finding a time and place to pump milk (a conference room at school and once even sitting on the ground in an empty office when I trained a class off-site). I am hanging in there and making do, but it is hard. Some day I will look back fondly on these days I am sure, but for now I am just surviving.

--MM

Where we are

I write this blog mostly for myself. Clearly, based on my handful of readers-though I do appreciate the few of you. I like to write a bit to keep my mind working and to organize my thoughts. It's like an ongoing journal that I can look at to remember what I was doing in 2007 or last month.

I feel like I will remember everything, but am constantly surprised by how it slips from my memory. T and I ask each other, "Was it R who always stuck his tongue out when he smiled, or was that Q?" When you are living your life each day hour by hour you feel like your current situation will last forever. You get trapped in the daily chores of dirty diapers, loud baths, and interrupted nights and forget to appreciate the small moments.

I get mad at myself when I realize I am wishing away each day and each week. I look forward to when the kids will be asleep, to when the weekend arrives, or when a project is over. I fail to submerge myself in the experience.

The start of 2011 marks another chapter in our lives. I will go back to work full-time with three kids at home and with a new nanny. I will start my second semester of my MBA program. Q will start a new school, and we will begin the new year in our new home.

So where are we?

Q is four and a half and is in 4K. He is tall and skinny. He is curious and very observant. If anything is different when he comes down the stairs in the morning, he immediately realizes it. He found most of his Christmas presents long before Christmas morning. He likes learning Spanish words and enjoys coloring, riding his bike, playing with trains, and trucks, and cars. He adores his stuffed seal which is now threadbare and without stuffing. He calls it a puppet and snuggles up with it while he sucks his thumb. It seems to always smell sour and feel a little crunchy even with frequent washing. Q is extremely affectionate and always hugs his teachers and tells us he loves us. He comes into our room most nights and sleeps for a few hours on the ground next to me with his Bucky Badger snuggli. His stuttering comes and goes, and we hope that speech therapy through the school district will help him communicate clearly. Q still has tantrums and collapses to the ground in frustration if he doesn't get what he wants. He can definitely test our patience and frequently pushes or hits his brother. He waits way too long to go to the bathroom and still has regular accidents. He constantly chatters and has an amazing memory. When I stop for a moment, I am amazed that the 4 pound 14 ounce preemie turned into this little boy!

R is a little spitfire. He has big blue eyes and a great head of hair. He is a bit shorter and stockier than Q. He has a big vocabulary and likes to sing. Lately he has been singing Jingle Bells: "Jingle bells, jingle all the way!" He still sleeps in his crib, though he could easily climb out of it. In the morning when he wakes up, he starts kicking his feet together like he is doing the butterfly stroke. He sucks his left thumb just like Q and loves his sailboat pillow. It is also often dirty and sour-smelling. He loves juice, which he water down a lot so he doesn't get a mouthful of cavities. He shows his independence often, whether it is putting his own toothpaste on the toothbrush or holding the cup while we pour in the juice. Sometimes it is frustrating for us, but we remind ourselves that it is just a part of him growing up. He and Q are big buddies though they clash often and have started to tattle on each other. R made us laugh recently when he came upstairs to tell us, "Q said poopy pants." R loves to give Ruby treats. He likes to be picked up and says, "Uppy!" He is dangerously fearless and careens down the sidewalk with his feet off his Big Wheel pedals.

Lena is three months old now, and I think she is really a beauty. She is petite, just in the 25th percentile for height, weight, and head circumference. She has patchy brownish-red hair and so far her eyes are still blue. I hope they stay that way. She is a good girl and doesn't fuss much. She started sleeping through the night around two months. She doesn't even cry when we give her a bath. She smiles often and coos. When she poops, it is loud and boisterous and often embarrassing if we are in a public place. She loves to stretch. Anytime we pick her up, she tucks her legs up and stretches her arms overhead and turns her head side to side. She will do it several times over several minutes. It makes us laugh. I love to stretch too. Maybe it is genetic. Lena loves nursing, and I had the easiest time establishing breastfeeding with her. I think if I let her, she would nurse all night. Against my better judgment, I often fall asleep laying side by side with her nursing. As I type this, she is smiling at me and cooing as she is propped up on pillows. I can tell she is taking the first steps toward communicating. She is such a sweet little girl, and she really seems to charm people. I feel so lucky to finally have my little Lena.

The boys love talking to their baby sister. They often get awkwardly close to her and say, "Hi baby, hi baby, hi baby!" Though I quickly shoo them back and try to prevent them from roughly patting her, she smiles and coos at them. The three kids are always looking out for each other. Q will remind us to get something for R, and R will tell us when the baby is crying. I constantly question my expertise at motherhood (I am not teaching them sign language or taking them to music classes or banning television), but I am proud when I see how loving and compassionate they already are. We must be doing something right.

Truthfully, T and I spend many of our days tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed by family, work, and school responsibilities. We both operate with a constant level of nagging stress but in certain quiet moments, we are filled with love and pride for each other and our family when we stop and realize our many blessings. We need to do that more often.

So that's where we are. A snapshot of our children frozen in time, so I won't forget and will remember to appreciate.

--MM