Where we are

I write this blog mostly for myself. Clearly, based on my handful of readers-though I do appreciate the few of you. I like to write a bit to keep my mind working and to organize my thoughts. It's like an ongoing journal that I can look at to remember what I was doing in 2007 or last month.

I feel like I will remember everything, but am constantly surprised by how it slips from my memory. T and I ask each other, "Was it R who always stuck his tongue out when he smiled, or was that Q?" When you are living your life each day hour by hour you feel like your current situation will last forever. You get trapped in the daily chores of dirty diapers, loud baths, and interrupted nights and forget to appreciate the small moments.

I get mad at myself when I realize I am wishing away each day and each week. I look forward to when the kids will be asleep, to when the weekend arrives, or when a project is over. I fail to submerge myself in the experience.

The start of 2011 marks another chapter in our lives. I will go back to work full-time with three kids at home and with a new nanny. I will start my second semester of my MBA program. Q will start a new school, and we will begin the new year in our new home.

So where are we?

Q is four and a half and is in 4K. He is tall and skinny. He is curious and very observant. If anything is different when he comes down the stairs in the morning, he immediately realizes it. He found most of his Christmas presents long before Christmas morning. He likes learning Spanish words and enjoys coloring, riding his bike, playing with trains, and trucks, and cars. He adores his stuffed seal which is now threadbare and without stuffing. He calls it a puppet and snuggles up with it while he sucks his thumb. It seems to always smell sour and feel a little crunchy even with frequent washing. Q is extremely affectionate and always hugs his teachers and tells us he loves us. He comes into our room most nights and sleeps for a few hours on the ground next to me with his Bucky Badger snuggli. His stuttering comes and goes, and we hope that speech therapy through the school district will help him communicate clearly. Q still has tantrums and collapses to the ground in frustration if he doesn't get what he wants. He can definitely test our patience and frequently pushes or hits his brother. He waits way too long to go to the bathroom and still has regular accidents. He constantly chatters and has an amazing memory. When I stop for a moment, I am amazed that the 4 pound 14 ounce preemie turned into this little boy!

R is a little spitfire. He has big blue eyes and a great head of hair. He is a bit shorter and stockier than Q. He has a big vocabulary and likes to sing. Lately he has been singing Jingle Bells: "Jingle bells, jingle all the way!" He still sleeps in his crib, though he could easily climb out of it. In the morning when he wakes up, he starts kicking his feet together like he is doing the butterfly stroke. He sucks his left thumb just like Q and loves his sailboat pillow. It is also often dirty and sour-smelling. He loves juice, which he water down a lot so he doesn't get a mouthful of cavities. He shows his independence often, whether it is putting his own toothpaste on the toothbrush or holding the cup while we pour in the juice. Sometimes it is frustrating for us, but we remind ourselves that it is just a part of him growing up. He and Q are big buddies though they clash often and have started to tattle on each other. R made us laugh recently when he came upstairs to tell us, "Q said poopy pants." R loves to give Ruby treats. He likes to be picked up and says, "Uppy!" He is dangerously fearless and careens down the sidewalk with his feet off his Big Wheel pedals.

Lena is three months old now, and I think she is really a beauty. She is petite, just in the 25th percentile for height, weight, and head circumference. She has patchy brownish-red hair and so far her eyes are still blue. I hope they stay that way. She is a good girl and doesn't fuss much. She started sleeping through the night around two months. She doesn't even cry when we give her a bath. She smiles often and coos. When she poops, it is loud and boisterous and often embarrassing if we are in a public place. She loves to stretch. Anytime we pick her up, she tucks her legs up and stretches her arms overhead and turns her head side to side. She will do it several times over several minutes. It makes us laugh. I love to stretch too. Maybe it is genetic. Lena loves nursing, and I had the easiest time establishing breastfeeding with her. I think if I let her, she would nurse all night. Against my better judgment, I often fall asleep laying side by side with her nursing. As I type this, she is smiling at me and cooing as she is propped up on pillows. I can tell she is taking the first steps toward communicating. She is such a sweet little girl, and she really seems to charm people. I feel so lucky to finally have my little Lena.

The boys love talking to their baby sister. They often get awkwardly close to her and say, "Hi baby, hi baby, hi baby!" Though I quickly shoo them back and try to prevent them from roughly patting her, she smiles and coos at them. The three kids are always looking out for each other. Q will remind us to get something for R, and R will tell us when the baby is crying. I constantly question my expertise at motherhood (I am not teaching them sign language or taking them to music classes or banning television), but I am proud when I see how loving and compassionate they already are. We must be doing something right.

Truthfully, T and I spend many of our days tired, frustrated, and overwhelmed by family, work, and school responsibilities. We both operate with a constant level of nagging stress but in certain quiet moments, we are filled with love and pride for each other and our family when we stop and realize our many blessings. We need to do that more often.

So that's where we are. A snapshot of our children frozen in time, so I won't forget and will remember to appreciate.

--MM