Job woes, cont.

So, I am puttering along in my job still. I am still fairly miserable and itching to leave. The more I hear about the horrific economy though, the more I want to hang on to my job with both hands.

I start to stress about my job not long after I wake up. I carry around this constant anxious feeling. Q has been especially trying lately as well, so I just feel utterly frazzled most of my day. This morning he had two meltdowns and both times I struggled to put him in his room for a time out. I was trying to put up his baby gate as he pushed against it. I kept pushing him back so I could lock it into place. It was just awful. The smallest thing, like the wrong cup for his juice, just sends him into a screaming fit. T and I are really struggling with it.

I get ready for work while feeling constantly frustrated and torn as R needs to nurse and Q is wailing about his lost toy or whatever latest crisis. I am generally five to ten minutes late as I pile my stuff into the car and race off to an appointment or work.

When I finally pull into the work parking lot, I start to get a sinking feeling. Then as I walk up the stairs to my desk, the familiar anxiety starts bubbling up. I just feel constantly on edge. I hate that.

I finally feel better after I return from dinner break and most everyone has gone home for the day. Then it is nice and quiet, and I have a lot more control.

During the day, I just completely disagree with the choices made and feel disrespected and unappreciated. It is not a good feeling.

I just want to be happy in the place I spend more than 40 hours a week. Especially since home is hectic now too. The only place I get some peace is in the car alone.

--MM