Fear of Authority

I had my meeting with my boss. It went well actually. I was so nervous about it. I thought about it as I laid in bed last night, then when I got up this morning, then when I was running on the treadmill. I planned what I would say and wrote down my key points. I had second thoughts about even calling the meeting. I went into work a little early and got started on my other tasks. I nervously checked the clock, and when it was time, I took a deep breath and went downstairs to his office.

I told him I have been unhappy and frustrated lately. I explained some of the things that bothered me, and he took notes. He said he would address the issues, told me he valued what I had to say and that I was an important employee, and thanked me. That made me feel good. I didn't say all I had to say. I held back a little, but I am still proud of myself for speaking up. That's not like me.

I have always been a little afraid of authority. Maybe it is because I had a pretty authoritarian mom growing up. I even get nervous when I pull up next to a police officer. I have never been a major rule-breaker, but something about authority figures scares me. I have always been envious of people who can just chat away with their bosses and invite them out for coffee. I generally keep my contact to a minimum and only enter their office when summoned. I am getting better about it, as evidenced by today's meeting, but I am still kind of a wuss.

I am feeling better about work in a lot of ways. Still having my frustrations, but hopefully my brave confrontation of authority today will make a difference.

--MM