Vacation from vacation

I am back home resting after an exhausting vacation, and I don't think that is exactly how it is supposed to work. You can see Q above with his dad and aunts in his formal wear. It made it worth it to see the joy Q brought to T's family, but it sure was a grueling weekend.

In case there was any doubt, babies are not made for cross-country flights or Catholic wedding masses. Q does just about as good as can be expected on planes. He is one and a half and does not understand sitting still quietly in one place for hours on end. He arches his back and screeches and tries to get down on the floor. He bangs on the seat in front of him and pulls everything out of the seat back pocket. Most of the time he is extremely tired, but finds it impossible to sleep with all the distractions. I feel so bad for him because I know he is exhausted, but he just fights it and fights it as people glower at us from surrounding seats. I want to remind them that we all were once babies. It's not like we have a hyena on board or something. It is just a baby human.

Catholic wedding masses are not baby-friendly either. I got a taste of this during the rehearsal. Q did not want to sit still in the pew. He wanted to crawl around and climb on the kneeling platforms and reach for the bibles and bang on the pew.

For the actual wedding, Q donned his tux and some borrowed cowboy boots. He looked quite dapper in his attire. I carried him down the aisle and then attempted to keep him quiet as long as possible. T was a groomsman, so I was alone in this endeavor. I wanted to at least see the vows. So, I tried to entertain Q as much as possible. Wedding masses are long. Thankfully the vows are toward the middle, so as soon as we saw the important stuff, Q and I made our exit.

We strolled around the college campus where the ceremony was held looking for squirrels. I pointed them out, and Q excitedly yelled "Doggie!" I can see the confusion. A lot of tiny, yappy dogs could easily pass for squirrels.

The reception was quite a relief after the formal ceremony. Q was introduced with the wedding party and made his grand entrance pushing his little walker. He at first seemed a little startled by the 200 guests and the blaring speakers by the DJ, but then he got some momentum and made it all the way across the dance floor, onto the carpet and then into the opposite wall. I felt such a surge of pride watching him take his awkward little steps. I got tears in my eyes. Sweet little thing.

He enjoyed crawling around and posing for the photographer for way too many pictures. The guests seemed to get a kick out of him, and it was nice to hand him off so T and I could actually enjoy a dance. He made it to about 9:30 that night, and then we went back to the hotel room while T finished out the night with his friends and family. I read and watched TV for four hours while everyone else partied, danced, and drank. So much changes when a tiny person enters your life.

T and I also got the rare chance to go to a movie this weekend. It gave us a taste of what it would be like to have family around, and man would it be nice. We left Q with his more-than-willing grandparents and went out on our own. We are all on our own where we live now, and it can definitely present its challenges.

Q took a few wobbly steps on his own this weekend as well. I think he is so close to walking he can taste it! Any day now! Any day.

Our way home presented a few more issues. One flight was delayed slightly and when we finally for home around 1 a.m., we discovered our car battery had died. Of course. We piled our luggage, stroller, car seat, and an extremely tired baby into a cab and went home. Then we couldn't find one of our cats. T and I both imagined an escaped cat squished somewhere. Just as he was starting to search the neighborhood, I discovered her holed up under a bed. She probably had been sleeping there since we left. Lucky cat.

Then this morning, I got a call that my old ATM card number is being used in Switzerland. I can't even quite wrap my mind around that one. But, it is all taken care of now.

It certainly has been an interesting few days. I am ready for some boring normalcy.

--MM

Still not walking

I still have not quite wrapped my mind around the fact that Q is having delays. I feel sort of defensive about it. A guy from work, who I'm sure was trying to be very nice, said his wife could look after him a few days a week if he needed more one-on-one attention. Like his daycare is hurting him or something. Or at least that is what my defensive self reads into it.

Today, Q rose to a wobbly stance on his feet with a big grin on his face. "Good job!" I said, and took his hand trying to drag him along a few steps. He seemed annoyed and plopped back to the ground. I just feel this internal urge for him to walk so we can say, "Oh look. He's fine. No big deal." I am taking it too personally and too seriously. I know that, but I can't help it.

People in public always just assume he is walking or running even. I feel slightly embarrassed when I have to say, "No, not yet, but he is a champion crawler." Poor little guy. I hate to even feel the slightest negative emotion involving him, but parenthood is complicated, and it is not all the rosy bliss you are led to believe before you actually become a parent.

It was an interesting day at work today. We did half the 5 pm show live at the library which just reopened after being closed for six months because of a lack of funding. I still get nervous at big or unusual events like that, but it also gives you a little surge of adrenaline. Anything to mix things up a bit is welcome. I feel like it went pretty well.

Tomorrow we are off to Boston at 6 am. That means we will all get very, very little sleep. I am crossing my fingers that Q allows us a little sleeping on the plane.

--MM

Q taking his time

Q had his appointment with the developmental pediatrician today. When he wasn't walking at 15 months, our regular pediatrician decided to refer him, because he said Q was falling behind the benchmark a bit. We had to wait months to get in to see this special doctor, and today was finally Q's appointment.

T took him alone, because it was a very bad part of my work day. I hated to miss it. I told T to take lots of notes. T said Q was a bit shy at first. They sat at a little table and two women played with him and did little tests while talking to T and writing down notes.

They determined he is behind in his large motor skills and his responsive listening. Meaning, he can't walk, and doesn't listen to us. He is great at yapping all sorts of words, real and imagined. But, he can't identify things and doesn't really follow any sort of instructions. He qualifies for this Early Intervention program through the school district, and apparently these physical therapists or whatever they are will come to our house to help him and help us help him.

It's pretty discouraging news I think. It is not really alarming or cause for great concern, but everyone wants their child to be this smart little over-achiever, and you hate to hear they are falling behind. I worry it is something I did while pregnant, and I will do the same thing with the next one. What if he never catches up? I am probably reading too much into it, but you can't blame me.

--MM

Frazzled

Life has me frazzled right now. And Q is not helping. The day started off fine with a manicure and pedicure, while T took Q to swimming lessons. I can't complain about that. I am lucky to be pampered.

After a run on the treadmill, I found out I would again be flying solo at work. My co-worker has been gone for three days because a family member is sick, so I have been swamped juggling both of our duties. I also have these four big projects hanging over my head and am going out of town to that wedding next week. I actually complained to my bosses yesterday that I am feeling frustrated. I think I get ridiculous amounts of work dumped on me because I don't complain, so I complained. We'll see if that does any good.

Anyway, as I was trying to get Q and I ready to go, Q decided to flip out on me. I was simply trying to change his diaper and put his pants on, god forbid. He screamed and cried and twisted and would not lay still. This went on for far too long, as I tried to pin him, then hugged him, then moved him down to the ground for more wrestling. I felt very close to crying myself to be honest, because I know I can't just walk away for 10 minutes. The clock is ticking, and I have to get him dressed, and then I have to go finish getting completely ready because I had a shoot to do as soon as I arrive at work. I just wanted to tear both of our hair out. I managed to take a few deep breaths and wrestle his pants on, before running in to slap my makeup on and blow dry and style my hair in about three minutes. Then he was happy as pie, singing to himself and flipping through a book. I just don't get babies. I don't.

I tried to calm myself, as I drove into work by listening to a little classical music. I just hate this frenzied feeling right now, and it seems like it is more common these days. It is hard for me to tell if it is my profession in particular that is making life this way, or if any job would be just as stressful. One day to the weekend.

--MM

Blessed sleep

The power went out today. T and I rely on Q's daily wake up call at 7 AM. You could generally set a watch by that baby. And often we don't even bother to set an alarm. This morning Q chose to sleep in on the same day the electricity was knocked out. The phone rang waking all of us up. T an I were wondering "Who the hell is calling so early?" when we realized it was actually 9:40! Oops. Damn, it felt good to sleep in though.

T hustled off to work while Q and I made breakfast. I tried to quickly sneak things out of the fridge to conserve coldness. He actually went down for a nap not long after. Poor tired little guy. I laid on the couch, not sure what to do without my treadmill or TV. So, might as well nap myself. Sleeping is so great.

--MM

Heartbeats and headaches

I heard the heartbeat for the first time today. The excitement of that speedy little gallop was sort of swallowed up in the madness of the rest of my day unfortunately. It was very comforting to hear though. At this stage when you aren't really showing and can't feel the baby, it is easy to think that maybe you have been mistaken all along. But this afternoon, there was the evidence of that marvelous, tiny life for all to hear, just thudding right along.

T went out of town around 4 this morning. I planned to work during the day and everything would work out just fine. Then, I found out that my co-worker was not coming in, so I would have to work my regular schedule, do four shows and produce one of them, and find child care at night. Plus, I had my doctor's appointment. I deposited Q at daycare early and zipped in to my appointment all the while thinking about all the work I had to do. It was a bit frenetic, but it all worked out. The more I have to do, it seems the quicker I do it. A very sweet girl from work volunteered to come watch Q. That was very nice of her.

T is on his way back home now after a day that was much longer than mine. I hope he is ingesting a lot of caffeine since he has been up for 19 hours.

Q is fascinated by our two sweet cats. He can say "Gat!" and points at them excitedly and crawls after them. Usually they quickly run away, and one even gave him a few swipes with a clawless paw. But, today, I heard this muffled pounding and looked down to find Q thumping on one of the poor cats. Maddie just took it. She likes every drop of attention she gets, so I guess even negative attention is worth it. Then he grabbed big handfuls of her fur and pulled. After a few painful looking yanks, Maddie finally got up and left. Babies are so rough! Are little girls this brutal?

--MM

Female Frustrations

I absolutely hate getting ready in the morning. Well, I actually generally get ready in the early afternoon since I work evenings, but I hate it. It takes forever. Generally an hour. 45 minutes if I cut out a few things.

I watched my husband today go up to get in the shower at 9:30 and walk out the door 20 minutes later. All he has to do is shower, shave a very small surface area, get dressed, and pull a comb through his hair. My version of getting ready is a long involved process. I treasure the weekends when I only wear powder and mascara and pull my hair into a ponytail. But, my job requires full, perfect makeup and blown-dry and styled hair every.....single....day. I can't just show up in a pony tail and chapstick. I can't tell you how tired I get of pulling out that blow dryer. If I could have two wishes, one would be to have that cool Jetsons machine where you try out different looks and then transform yourself with the click of a button. And the other would be teleportation. I can't stand traffic either.

Anyway, my point is I love being a woman, and most of the time I like getting dressed up and putting on makeup and wearing heels, and I am glad I get to be the one to have the baby, but geez, some mornings I just wish I was a dude. How much of my life has been spent shaving, tweezing, and mascara-applying?

T is going to a special assignment tomorrow to cover this massive anti-terrorism drill about four hours away. I will come in and work during the day while he goes to cover this big, cool story. I have mentioned this before, but I felt a twinge of it again. When we had Q, I lost a lot of the cool, fun parts of our job like going away for stories. T hasn't had to give much of this up. I am certainly willing to make sacrifices for our family, but I was a bit envious today. Sometimes you miss being able to go do something spectacular at the drop of a hat.

--MM