Sleepless nights

In some ways I feel like I have really had it together the last few days. I haven't panicked when Q went through one of his many meltdowns. I have gotten a lot done including two early morning appointments with two tiny boys in tow. I have eaten well and exercised. But, now I am having some major concerns about T's new job and how it fits into our life. He has these concerns as well. It will include a fair amount of travel. I work till midnight, so that makes finding supplemental childcare a challenge and a large extra expense. Plus, I will be on my own on those days. That means very long days at home and at work. It gives me a bit of a sick feeling in my stomach thinking about it.

It all starts next week when he has his first four-day business trip. One of the days I am actually working to cover the primary election. That means I will be awake much of the night with a six-week old, waking up early with a two-year-old, juggling childcare providers during the day and evening, and working for nine hours as well. Just the thought of it exhausts me. I hope we are making the right decision, and I think in the long run we are, but it sure is going to be a rough year or so.

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Q had a doctor's appointment this morning and is getting tall and skinny. He weighs 27 pounds and is 3 feet tall. R is also filling out nicely, though he is battling an unfortunate case of baby acne right now. Poor little man. He was wide awake for hours last night. I think my four cups of coffee may be to blame. I am now taking the difficult step of scaling back my caffeine intake. It's a vicious cycle.

Here are the many moods of R:

--MM

Bouncing back

I ran 5 miles tonight! My feet and knees hurt now, but I am happy.

--MM

An "active" child

First off, I had a lovely Mother's Day. I accepted my husband's offer to do just about nothing all day and took several naps. We started off the day with a nice breakfast and then went to get Q's two-year-old pictures. We guessed this would not go smoothly, and we were right. He clung to his dad and squealed. We finally managed to get a few good pictures by putting a blanket over his head, saying, "Where is Q??" and then whipping it off. The photographer snapped just as he was laughing. Years from now he will look like a sweet, little angel in his two-year-old pictures, but we will know the truth!

T then took him back to the Railroad Park, so he could ride the little train. Last time there was too long of a line. Q was delighted.

We had a wonderful Mother's Day dinner sans Q. I took R so I could nurse him. It was a price fixe four-course menu. We got a bottle of their cheapest sparkling wine (only the finest for us) and chose our courses.

I had:

-artichoke tart
-mixed greens with blueberries and pine nuts
-spinach-goat cheese ravioli with sage brown butter
-fruit crepes

Yum!! It was one of those dinners T and I kept talking about long after it was over.

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This morning Q had his follow up hearing screening. Last time he chattered the whole time, and they couldn't get an accurate reading. The audiologist suggested he come back when he was 2, because he might be calmer. Fat chance.

I was proud of being only five minutes late for the appointment after R peed on himself and Q battled getting his teeth brushed. Then R decided he needed to be fed as soon as we arrived. I nursed him during the screening. Q was supposed to sit quietly on a chair and listen for sounds the audiologist made from speakers on either side of him. She monitored whether he turned in the right direction and how quickly he responded. However, as you probably guessed things did not go as planned. Q sat in his chair for about ten seconds. Then he slid down and rattled around the room playing with a toy tractor. He talked to himself and walked around climbing on things. I was supposed to be silent so he could hear, plus I was feeding the baby so there wasn't much I could do. He did hear things from time to time when he wasn't drowning them out.

Eventually the audiologist came into the booth and acknowledged that it was a fruitless endeavor. I don't think Q has any hearing problems, and she didn't think so either. She said just to contact her in the future if I had any suspicions, and they could actually check his hearing under sedation.

I asked her didn't all two-year-olds behave the same during the screenings? She said Q was quite a bit more active than most but wasn't entirely unusual. At least he's not boring I guess.

-MM

Home alone

Staying at home is very isolating. Everyone keeps asking me if I am dreading going back to work, but a big part of me is looking forward to it. Is that horrible? I am just not at my best when I am at home. I am so tired that I want to sleep all day, but then I drink too much coffee and am wide awake. But if I do nap, I feel like a failure for not getting enough done. Our child care provider takes Q on some days, and I feel guilty that I am farming him out. The house is a mess, and half the time I want to strangle the dog because she keeps pooping on the floor. This is exhausting! I think going back to work will be a relief! I just have not figured out the correct balance yet. The day I do strike it right will probably be my first day back at the office.

--MM

On my own

My mom left this morning, and T is back at work full time. I am all by myself! Scary. I am certainly going to have to fire up the coffee pot, because I will be up a lot of the night and then up with Q in the morning. T and I used to work together and saw a lot of each other, but things will be really different now. He will leave around 7:30 in the morning, probably (hopefully) before I wake up, and I will work till midnight. He also will be gone all day Saturday at school. We will go from seeing each other constantly to hardly seeing each other at all. I am hoping this will just help us appreciate each other more and really enjoy our time together. We were more likely to get on each others' nerves before when we were together non-stop. We are a little concerned about the travel his new job will require and who will take care of the little ones, but I am confident we will figure it out. It's a time of some big changes in the MM household.

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Before I was a mother, I vowed not to let toys take over my house. I am losing the battle. As the kids get bigger, so do their toys. With Q's recent birthday, we have a whole new crop of stuff. Right now there is a giant bus tent thing in our kitchen and a shopping cart toppled in the entry way with its toy groceries scattered around the house. A toy basket meant to contain the madness is empty in our dining area and its toys are spread around the floor. The mess extends upstairs and to the garage. Q just got a new wagon for his birthday and this morning he spent about 30 minutes just sitting in it. I went out and pulled him around the garage a few times. He just loves it. I kept going out to check on him, and there he was...still sitting proudly in his red wagon. It was so sweet, it made me ache inside.

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My post-pregnancy weight loss has stalled, and it is pissing me off! Things were going great for a couple weeks but then they just plateaued. Not good. I guess I actually have to start eating less and forgoing the nightly ice cream. Bummer.

--MM

Baby beach bums

We just got back from a quick trip to the beach. My parents were in town and my mom still is. We made the 3.5 hour trip for one night. It was a tricky task with a newborn and a two year old, but we managed and did have some fun.

My parents rented a mini-van to carry all of us and our stuff. I admittedly nursed R in the backseat breaking the law in the process, but I didn't feel like stopping every time he wanted a snack.

Q loved the beach. It was windy and chilly, but he was fascinated by the water and loved throwing rocks and watching dogs chase Frisbees. We even dipped R's little toes into the Pacific Ocean for his first taste of the sea.

Of course, being out of town requires a lot of restaurant meals. Q had many meltdowns and T and I were frazzled much of the time. It was nice to have a few more sets of hands to keep him busy.

This was our first experience with two children in a hotel room, and it wasn't pleasant. We attempted to put Q in his crib and go next door to my parents' room, but Q flipped out. He seemed to actually think we were abandoning him, and he panicked. We went back to our room and ignored him while he stood up in his crib and chattered at us. R of course was up every three hours and that would wake up Q. We got very little sleep! Thankfully it was just one night.

Monday was Q's second birthday. I felt a little stressed planning the weekend away and then Q's celebration as soon as we got back. Having visitors to see R is not actually helpful. It just piles on more responsibility! We got Q a shopping cart and a lawnmower to push around. He loves them. It feels like it has been much longer than two years and much shorter at the same time.

Having my mom in town is a mixed blessing. She is an amazing cook and is great with the kids, but she has very exacting standards. I feel a bit like my house and my parenting are under the microscope. She is quick to offer advice about how I am handling things with a screaming Q or a fussing R. I feel self-conscious and defensive, but am determined to raise my kids the way I want to. There are some things about the way I was brought up that I don't want to repeat, but I can't just come out and say that obviously! I love having her in town in a lot of ways, and it is nice to have a little help now that T returned to work, but it will be nice to have full control again in a few days.

--MM

Changes

As is we haven't had enough upheaval in our life lately, more is on the way. Of course, we are still adjusting to a newborn baby in the house and a terrible two-year-old, and now T is changing jobs. He will begin his new career next Tuesday.

We have known about the change for awhile, and he is excited about it, and I am all for it, but that doesn't mean it won't have some challenges. Right now we work together, and we have for the past five years. It will be strange not to see him at work and to no longer rely on each other professionally. I also think in a lot of ways it will be healthier. Work would often take over our lives, because one of us was in the workplace fourteen hours a day! It's all we would talk about and stress about! Now he will have his own workplace.

This new job involves a year of training to be a manager. Eventually, it should be a lucrative position and good for our family, but this first year involves a small pay cut. With my raise, we will be making the same as last year. His job also could involve more travel. I do worry that a lot of the burden will fall on me, and it's not like I am just taking care of the kids. I will also be trying to keep up my career! So, there certainly will be some challenges, but this job brings better benefits and a strong future, so it is good news for our family. We also plan on relocating with his job in about two years when my contract ends. I am excited about where our new home will be and hope we can stay there for quite awhile. Big changes!

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My parents are coming out this weekend to see R and visit Q. We are going to go to the coast for one night and then return for Q's second birthday next Monday...Cinco de Mayo!!

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I am up to running just over three miles. It is slow going but feels good. I have also squeezed into my jeans, though a bit of a muffin top remains. At least I can wear most of my old clothes now. That chubby in-between stage can make you crazy!

--MM