Week of crap

Wow, I had a bad week last week. Just horribly bad. And I pretty much let one person control that.

I knew going in that it would be a stressful week. I was teaching entirely new topics. I had to work late at night and get up very early in the morning poring over my notes and lesson plans to get ready for class. I was stressed and tired and felt awkward and unsure. I was counting down the hours until class was over. But I made it. And I actually thought I did pretty well. People seemed to get it, and I didn't make a complete ass of myself. Sometimes that counts as success.

Then I made the mistake of reading my evaluations right after class, when I still felt pretty good about how the class had gone, all things considered. Many were very kind and complimentary. A couple said they weren't thrilled with the training. And then one had a cruel personal comment that I won't repeat here because I have been repeating it in my head far too often.

I was pissed. And sad. I had worked so hard that week to make the class a success, and all this person can say is a comment on my appearance. Of course the comment was anonymous. So I spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out who it was or how I had wronged that person.

Then I switched to deciding I was horrible at my job and for some reason people didn't like me. Then I evolved to thinking I shouldn't be working anyway if it was going to make me miserable, and I might as well just stay home with my kids. It was a long weekend.

This week went better. I had a good class, and my trainees were engaged and seemed happy. I decided to not even read my evals, opting to let my boss share any actually constructive criticism after she read them.

It's a shame people can be such jerks. It's sad that women are more likely to criticize women. It's pathetic that one person saw a personal comment as a valid item to include on an evaluation. And it's not right that I should feel miserable after a week I had every right to be proud of.

--MM