Body after baby

I was a little freaked out about weight gain in my first pregnancy. I actually was the thinnest before that pregnancy, but I was positive I would be one of those people who gained 80 pounds during pregnancy and then kept it on.

I was also still in TV news at that point which creates a constant focus on appearance. Before, during, and after my pregnancy, I fielded constant comments about my weight gain and how I looked. Who wouldn't feel a bit self-conscious?

I exercised very often during that pregnancy and was careful about what I ate. I gained 34 pounds and didn't even go full term. Right after I gave birth, I expected my stomach to magically shrink. I was alarmed when I still looked about eight months pregnant in the following days. It was a bit depressing when I was buying a snack and the checker asked when my baby was due. "He has already been born," I answered bitterly.

After a few months, things slowly returned to their former position and the pounds came off. During my second pregnancy, I gained about 35 pounds again and was less stressed about my body after I gave birth. Though I still felt like I was under scrutiny by viewers who would approach me to let me know if they thought I was huge during my pregnancy or if I looked good two months after R was born. I so appreciated their input.

Things were quite different during this pregnancy. I did exercise through most of my pregnancy, but I took it a heck of a lot easier. I didn't want my hips and back to hurt as they had in the past. I watched what I ate, didn't go crazy with cravings, but certainly didn't deny myself. I had ice cream almost every day and ate when I was hungry, but I never pigged out. It was a relief to not feel the intense scrutiny of being on air every single day. I ended up gaining just 30 pounds, though I exercised a lot less than I had in the past.

Right after birth, I knew to expect the big squishy belly. I didn't love it of course, but I wasn't shocked by it at least. It has been steadily shrinking and though it still looks like I am about four months pregnant, I am moving in the right direction.

I have lost 15 pounds in two weeks, with 15 more to go. I can't exercise much until I am completely recovered from my C-section. I am anxious to get moving again, mostly because I can tell I am much more breathless than usual when I go up a flight of stairs, but I am not obsessed with it. I feel like I have a much healthier attitude all around. It feels good, I have to say.

I do examine my belly often and look at the six-inch pink incision healing well on my lower belly. I feel far from attractive as my belly is still soft, and I am not as toned as I like to be. But I am much more comfortable in my own skin these days. I am more self-assured at 32 then I was at 26. I look at my beautiful little daughter and marvel that I grew her inside my belly. I did good work. I am proud of my children and in awe that T and I produced them! But I would like to fit into my old clothes again, see the scale drop back to where it used to be, and see a hint of an abdominal muscle.

All in good time.

-MM