Overload

Whew. That was an exhausting week. My new job is equal parts amazing and scary as hell. As I mentioned before, the standards and expectations are very high. People seem to put in long hours and high performance is demanded of them. Everyone is Type A, and I worry I will struggle to keep up rather than stand out. On the other hand, the company is incredibly successful, the cafeteria food is insanely good while ridiculously cheap, the health insurance is wonderful, and there are two coffee shops on campus. So there are a few nice perks.

Another thing, it is a campus. Multiple big buildings with huge underground parking lots. I have been in classes all week, trooping from my office to the training rooms, to the cafeteria. I have gotten lost about a dozen times, randomly wandering around and going up and down flights of stairs until I stumble upon my destination.

I have that uneasy feeling right now like I am standing on a rickety platform in choppy seas. I can't get my bearings. I am notoriously directionally-challenged, and anyone would have a hard time on this campus. And, the volume of information and what I will have to know and what I will have to be able to teach to other people is quite daunting. I wish I was myself three months from now, comfortable and well-trained.

My strengths are writing and organization and public speaking, and that's why I was hired. But a lot of emphasis is of course on technology and my head swims when the instructor is breezing over VPN and Cache and other foreign words while the software developer hires are nodding.

So, it's scary. But also exciting. I feel a little more comfortable each day. On Friday I actually parked my car and got to my office without a problem. But then I had to have someone escort me to my boss's office. Ah well. I'll get there. I hope.

--MM

500th post!

From humble beginnings.....to a humble present state. Ah, well. I still enjoy it so that's all that matters.

Much has changed since I started this blog in January 2007: another baby, a new home, and today, a new job. I started in my new career as a trainer along with dozens of other new recruits. I was astonished by this company's rapid hiring in turbulent economic times. It is a great company and the hiring was very competitive, so I am pretty downright proud of myself, to be honest.

I am also intimidated though. I work with very smart people, and there is much to learn, so I just hope I can keep up and meet expectations.

We began a whole new lifestyle today. I had an early morning exercise class, so I left for that at 5:20, hauling along my stuff for work. T dropped off the boys at the sitter with the diaper bag and Q's preschool bag.

I slapped a bit of makeup on my face after the class, threw a clip in my hair, and raced over to my first meeting before 8:00 a.m. After many sessions of training and mountains of paperwork, I got out early enough to pick up the boys. It was a long day without seeing their little peanut faces!

When I unloaded them back at the house, I had to haul in six bags: Q's preschool backpack, diaper bag, gym bag, work bag, toiletries bag, and purse. It was ridiculous. I need to find a way to streamline.

So, a hectic first day but a good one. It feels great to be back.

--MM

Cookie coma

My belly hurts. This is a common problem. The cause? Three perfect peanut butter cookies and oodles of perfect peanut butter cookie dough. Sigh. But it's worth it.

T and the boys are at my parents' for the night. They even took Ruby so I am in blissful peace. I spent two hours on the Internet, then ordered Noodles takeout (Bangkok Curry with tofu). I watched The September Issue On Demand. Then topped the evening off by baking the aforementioned perfect peanut butter cookies. The batter is even better than the finished product, which is really quite a dangerous situation.

So now I have three and a half dozen fresh-baked cookies of my favorite variety. I am tempted to hide them from the children and the husband. Especially the children. They would be happy with an animal cracker, so why should I waste my bites of peanut butter bliss on them?

I make cookies often, every week or two, but was starting to eat two-thirds of them myself. I tried the technique of making cookies I don't like (M&M cookies-ick). It worked, but I missed my cookies. So tonight, the cookie indulgence and the resulting cookie hangover.

I always hate myself in the morning, as I squint at the scale and wonder why it insists on inching up. But then I forget my angst as I take my first trip of the day to the cookie jar.

Perfect Peanut Butter Cookies (Use with caution!)

3/4 cup butter
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups crunchy peanut butter
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups flour
2 t baking soda
1 t sea salt
1 1/2 cup oats

Combine first five ingredients, then add remaining ingredients. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto cookie sheet. Cook at 350 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes. Makes about 4 dozen (depending on how much dough you ingest).

--MM

Tragic

Just watched a gripping and upsetting documentary on HBO On Demand. Every F'ing Day of My Life is about a woman who kills her husband after almost 20 years of abuse. The movie follows her final five days before going to jail for ten years. Her 17-year-old son took part in the murder and is sentenced to seven years in prison.

It all took place in Southern Oregon, where I used to live, and I remember covering the story. I never knew the depth of the situation. Watch it if you get the chance. It is tragic to see a mother punished for trying to protect her children.

--MM

I have a lot of medals, too

I love the Olympics. Be it summer or winter, I inevitably park myself in front of the TV and get into the decathlon or snowboard cross. I just can't get into some of it: luge, skeleton, curling, nah. But give me Apolo Anton Ohno in a heated short track speed skating race, and I'm happy.

I'm not a die hard sports fan. I cheer for the Packers and Mizzou and watch the Super Bowl every year, but I'd much rather watch Project Runway than a random golf tournament. But something about the Olympics is different. It is so passionate and impressive. As you watch you feel like you have something at stake as an American. You feel a rare rush of patriotism.

The best thing is to work out while watching the Olympics. Last night, I plodded through three miles on the treadmill while watching speed skating. Granted, I was going 6.5 miles an hour and Shani Davis was sailing along significantly faster, but as we both worked our bodies, I felt like we had something in common. We were both athletes. Now one of us is quite a bit more successful, muscular, talented, and determined than the other, but nonetheless we are in the same broad category.

Next to my treadmill hang dozens of medals from various races T and I have completed over the years. Not a single one represents a first place finish or even tenth for that matter (though I do have a quirky little trophy from a rare win in a lightly-attended 5K). They are all "participant" medals though the one from that very first marathon is as good as gold in my eyes.

I have run four marathons and may or may not ever run one again. Non-runners always question why on earth you would want to submit yourself to such torture. I was not gifted with superior golf, basketball, swimming, dancing, or any other of countless athletic skills. But I do have passionate drive and hard-headed determination, and as I run in a marathon with thousands of people in front of me (and thousands behind), with people cheering at the finish line and volunteers handing me paper cups of water, I am an athlete, and it is the only taste of that experience I can get.

Lunging with my medicine ball last night, I felt a slight surge of that. I am strong and determined too, and though I don't have a gold, silver, or bronze, and never, ever will, I do have an impressive stash of "also-ran" hardware.

--MM

The pain of parenthood

The day started out well. With T and Q on the East Coast for a wedding and to see T's parents, R and I went to my parents. My mom suggested we go to a train display at the botanical gardens, and R delighted in seeing the choo-choos weave through the bright blossoms.


We explored the other domes, looking at unusual plants, and strolling along the paths. R of course barreled ahead at full-speed. That is until he face-planted on a rough walkway. I ran to him, hoping it would just be a little bump that he would shake off and barely delay in his frolicking as he so often does. But, no. His face was full of blood, and his lip was mangled by his teeth.

I felt physically ill seeing him in pain. You don't really know that degree of empathy until you have a child. Seeing him suffering makes me ache and actually makes me feel angry in a way that he has to endure that. Any time my child is hurt I feel frustrated, hurt, and angry at myself that I didn't prevent it in some way. I feel like I let them down.

We mopped up his blood and bought a Popsicle to ice it. The lip still looks terrible and it protruding from his face, but he is in much better shape. You can see the injury a bit in this picture.


Poor little peanut. I'm sorry.

--MM

Back to work

I got a job! A real one and a good one!

I gave stay-at-home motherhood a good go. It clearly wasn't for me as I added so many commitments that I was busier than ever. So now it will be back to full-time work. I know it will be tiring and busy, and it already is a bit wrenching to think of not seeing the boys as often. But I know it is what makes me happiest. I need a career. I feel short-changed and unfulfilled when that part of my life is not in place. It is better for all of us if I go back to work. What is that they say? 'If Mama's not happy, no one's happy.' Very true.

I will be a corporate trainer for a booming medical software company. It sounds fast-paced and challenging, and I do think I will be good at it. Groups of about 100 people will come in every month or so, and I and the other trainers will teach them.

I start in two weeks, and I am getting things into place in advance of that start date. I will roll back my exercise teaching duties until I am eventually just teaching two early morning classes a week. Our current sitter will take the boys full-time. Life is falling into place.

I am excited, though truthfully very nervous, about this new chapter in my life. I have been waiting for it, and I am ready for it.

--MM